Split Sides

In The Minibus

It's 10pm now, on my way back
From another day spent in search for
That elusive opportunity I seek
That'll lift me out from this
Neverending gloom and atrophy
That pulls me down like quicksand.
I get on the minibus
For the draining journey home,
Preparing myself for
The pervasive sense of emotional waste
That's all too familiar for me.
I find a seat
At the front, next to the driver,
Tired from the day,
And counting the money he earned
From today's labors.
I look around the closed shops
And the dimming roads
And feel the desolation of this city
Surrendering to the night's reprieve.
I look at the rear-view mirror
And catch something I can't believe.
I look behind me
And observe a couple, probably in college,
And seated some distance
At the back, very much in love.
But what gets me, hooks me in,
Is the unashamed affection
The girl is showering on her boy.
The kind that's so strong, so heartfelt, and so bold
That she can kiss him on his lips and neck
Without caring about the public audience.
She says something, he smiles and kisses her ear,
And she leans her head on his shoulder.
Feeling safe and secure in his presence.
I watch all of that from the rear-view mirror,
Not realizing the hunger and longing in my eyes
That couldn't turn away from such a scene.
It's everything I could ever want and more, I admit:
So much beauty and happiness in a small space,
And how lucky/unlucky for me to bear witness to it.
I turn away but it lurks within me;
The hidden desires that growl for attention,
Searching for an avenue, never to be expressed.
The sights and sounds of the night float through;
They pass me by, the road an asphalt river,
Vendors selling barbecues and peanuts, yet insufficient
To satisfy the appetites of the heart and soul.
Every now and then I snatch a yearning glimpse
Of the couple, overflowing with innocent love
That I seek but can never possess.
They hold hands and look at the landscape,
This minibus serving as a mobile aquarium
For them to enjoy the sights
That look amazing when seen through their lenses.
I look on, peeping from the rear-view mirror at them,
A silent observer eager to watch them in their embrace,
Like watching a TV drama on mute.
Deep heartfelt strains that feel so familiar,
Yet so foreign to someone like me.
Minutes slip away into an hour
And then I arrive at my stop,
Where the end has come.
For me, who has to find another means
Of going back home,
And for them, the unknown couple
Who has fed my starving eyes and heart
With envy and longing within a single space.
The minibus drives away
But I steal a final look
At the couple, in each other's loving company,
For what will be the final time
Before the fleeting hope, the gnawing jealousy
Retreats into my innermost recesses
To hide away like a restless boogeyman
Underneath a comfortable bed.
It turns a corner and then it's gone,
Away from my life, but not from my heart,
Which was a sight for sore eyes,
And my mind,
To which it's nothing more
Than yet another mirage.