Split Sides

Project Kallistei

This is a draft story that must never see the light of day, unless otherwise noted.

This short story came to me while I was in a van ride home listening to New Order. The inchoative synopsis is this:

- Echosmith and Last Dinosaurs are having drinks in a bar in Singapore when Lachlan talks about a recent discovery of a shipwreck in a paper. It was found to have sunk midway between Guam and the Philippines.

- Days later, after a show in Brisbane, Sean of Last Dinosaurs shows them around an antiques shop he frequents. They find a rusted chest containing loot from the shipwreck. Among the loot were an orange topaz necklace and an emerald pendant. Because of the storekeeper's tempestuous attitude and his unreasonable price, they steal it and take it back to Ventura.

- They take the stolen gems to a jewelry appraiser to ascertain their value and price. A week after they do so he turns up dead. They believe the gems are cursed so they decide to bury them in the wilderness and keep mum about them. Unfortunately, Battle Tapes has heard about them and decide to rob the trio while on the way to hide them. They ram their car repeatedly until it overturns at a bend overlooking some moorland. Noah and Graham jump into a flooded cave while Sydney bleeds heavily after being shot by Josh. Since the trio were facing certain death they steal the gems and run, not knowing that they would be rescued by unknown figures.

- The trio come to and discover that a couple of shamans had saved them, and thanks to their gung-ho experiments and medicinal herbs, they manage to return to full health. There they trace the background of the gems and learn that they were seized by the Spaniards after a raid on a Dutch settlement in Indonesia during the 1800s. It was on its way back to Spain via Mexico when it was lost during a violent typhoon. Josh finds out that the gems have been brought to Austin in Texas for safekeeping before being taken to Los Angeles for auction.

- Under the guise of performing in South by Southwest (SXSW) Echosmith attempts to find the location of the gems before they leave the city. It was revealed that some interested bidders will be allowed to view the rare gems before going under the hammer. One of those viewing the pieces would be Josephine and Anthony of Oh Wonder, and thanks to Josh's research they find out that Josephine was a descendant of a former Dutch Governor-General of Indonesia, and that the stolen topaz and emerald pendants were family heirlooms she intends to purchase and return to her family's possession.

- The day after the viewing the gems have mysteriously disappeared once more, and they uncover that Battle Tapes have smuggled it out of the city. The trio tail them to the U.S.-Mexico border and determine that Josh and his group plan to exchange the jewels with Oh Wonder. However, Josephine and Anthony betray them and murder them, which forces the trio to step in and retrieve the gems themselves. Anthony takes the jewelry with him with Sydney in hot pursuit while Josephine runs away to avoid being cornered by Graham and Noah. In the climax Sydney corners Anthony at a ravine overlooking the Rio Grande and tries to persuade him into giving them up by making him see how screwed he is (since he'll either be arrested for his crimes or be punished by Josephine). Lamentably Anthony throws the precious stones into the river, knowing that he's going down either way. Before she could throw her livid frustration at him the other two stop her from doing so and drive off into the distance, leaving him to his fate.

- Back in Ventura, the trio are back in the studio to create an album about their hapless journey. Over cans of Irn-Bru they reflect over the worthlessness of the entire escapade, with the trio concluding that the jewels really are cursed and a waste of time for everyone involved. They make a toast about their rotten luck and hope the gems are never found again. Or so they thought...