ECSTASY // B.E

t h r e e

b i l l i e

i looked down at the fretboard of my guitar. i was sitting in my bed, and i was leaning against my headboard. shark was laying across my lap, and he was snoring lightly.

i started playing the chords for male fantasy. i softly sang the lyrics, careful not to wake shark up.

"'cause i loved you then, and i love you now, and i don't know how. guess it's hard to know when nobody else comes around if i'm getting over you or just pretending to be alright, convince myself i hate you."

i wrote this song a while ago about sienna.

i met sienna in my freshman year of high school. we instantly clicked, and it didn't take long for us to start dating.

not long after we graduated from high school, she proposed. i said yes, and we got married only a few months later.

we were young, stupid, and in love, and it seemed like a great idea at the time.

it was great for a while, at least. we moved into an apartment together, and everything was smooth sailing.

then... i don't know what happened. it seemed like we were arguing every day, even over the littlest things. we would get so pissed at each other. it never got physical; we never laid our hands on the other, but there were dishes broken, things thrown, etcetera.

just a few months before i turned twenty-two, we got a divorce. it was for the better, really, but it still hurt a lot. i've only just got to a point where i can say that i'm completely over her.

even so, i'll always have love for her; she was my first love, and before everything went sour, we had good times. i'd rather remember the good parts of our relationship above anything else.

i'm over her now, but i'm not really trying to get into another relationship or anything of the sort. not anytime soon, at least. honestly, i might not try to date anyone again for a while.

i sighed as i stopped strumming my guitar. i set it away, just beside my bed for now. i gently moved sharky so that i could lay down. he whined before he moved to cuddle up beside me.

i gently scratched behind his ear as i draped an arm over him. he quickly fell back asleep. not long after, i fell asleep too.

<~~~~~>

"you're really hot, you know that?" some guy slurred as he tried his best to maintain eye contact.

"you really think so?" i flashed a small smile.

"yeah. you're, like... so hot," he nodded. he glanced down at his glass, and he frowned. "can i get another drink?"

"sure. same thing?" i raised a brow.