Entertaining a Small Thought

4th Arc Part 3: Lost in Thoughts, All Alone

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Depression/Depressing thoughts, Self-harm, and thoughts of Suicide are in this chapter. Stay safe and have a good rest of the day.

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"Damn it...!" I growled as I kicked the door. "Still refuse to open, huh? Damn freaking door..."

I was in the library and had opened up the hidden bookshelf to see if the card key would open the door to the hidden room, but alas, it wasn't for that. Of course. Monokuma won't be letting us inside what was Tsumugi's base of operations any time soon. So with that off the list of possible areas this card key can be used, that leaves just one last place.

"The underground tunnel it is." I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair.

So this card key is the key to the exit? That seems...too good to be true, especially with the label of 'motive' on the damn card.

But, of course, that isn't going to stop me. When has obvious signs of danger ever stopped me, in life and in this killing game? When have warnings from other people deterred me from the path I think is right? Never. I have never let other people's fears determine whether or not I do what's right. No matter what others may think or believe, if I believe something is right, I'll do it.

I felt a chuckle rise up from my chest as I thought of that. Funny... Was I always like this? So...confident that I'm right? So... self-righteous? Is that the right word? It's just...I don't think I was like this at the start of this game. Have I changed from back then? I don't feel different, but I think perhaps I'm acting differently. I suppose that's to be expected after spending time in a death game.

Still, I can't start doubting myself now. Even if I've changed, that doesn't change the circumstances or what I have to do. I have to do this. If I hesitate, people will die. I already swore I would do all that I'm able to protect everyone. Even if I've already failed in that regard, I won't stop. I won't ever stop. What I'm doing is the right choice. This is the right path. I know it is.

So I kept my head up high as I made my way to my dorm room. Once there, I opened my drawer and took out the Electrohammer I had. Time to get to work. I shoved it into my pocket and hurried over to the boiler room. Once I entered the boiler room, I climbed down the ladder until I was back at the entrance of the tunnel. I stared at the entrance for a while as I thought about what was awaiting me on the other side. I took the Electrohammer out and extended it before examining it. Fully charged. Good thing I remembered to charge it.

I was about to head inside the tunnel, but that's when a familiar, childish voice called out to me.

"Hey, Rinny! What're ya doing here?"

I held back a sigh as I turned to see Kokichi coming down the ladder. The moment he got off the ladder, he looked at me and gave me his usual cheeky smile. I couldn't help but think that he must know he's being annoying right now.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice a little strained as I held back an annoyed groan.

"I figured you might need help, sooooo..." Kokichi then took out his Electrohammer and swirled it around playfully as he gave me a smirk. "I came to help my loyal goon. Be grateful and praise your supreme leader."

"Yeah no," I replied as I gave Kokichi a glare. "Go back, Kokichi. I can do this myself."

"I don't know about that, Rinny. You can be pretty reckless with this kind of stuff. It's best if someone is with you, and who's better than me?" Kokichi asked with a sly grin. "Besides, you stole that card key from me. I think I should be allowed to see this 'motive' as well."