Doctor who one shots/imagines BOOK 2🌏

before i go (13)

"Are you sure this is what you want?" I glanced up at Yaz, as I packed my bag. "I'm certain." I look away, as I take a breath. "I think she'll notice. That you've just left." I ran a hand over my hair, "It's better this way. She will try and stop me if I tell her, Yaz. I need this to be easy. I can't just wait." She sighed. "But it isn't going to be easy, you love her. It's all you talk about." I knew she was right, but I couldn't stay anymore. "And it'll stay that way. It's just talk." I pull my bag over my shoulder, as I hug her briefly. "Thank you. For everything." I whispered. "You don't have to go. It doesn't have to be this way." I smiled sadly. "Yes, it does." We had landed back in Sheffield, after stopping off so Yaz could go and see her family for a few days. As I left the TARDIS, I felt numb. It felt like I'd come back, even if I wasn't. But I just felt even worse for walking away. Knowing I'd been with her for so long, since she used to be a man, back when she was tall, Scottish and grumpy. I don't know if I'd ever really got over it, but everything ends. I went and sat next to the waterfront, just to think. I hadn't really been without her for a long while, that scared me. "Still making mistakes?" A familiar voice spoke to me, I snapped around. "Oh my god, Doctor?" How was this possible? "You're not- I don't understand." He smiled. "I figured you needed a pick me up." I didn't even think this was possible. "You make it way too hard to be around you, Doctor."

"There's so much you don't know, y/n. I've gone to the end of this world to prove that I care. I'd do it again, without question." I look down, "You don't need me. Yaz- she's better than me at this. I never belonged with you, even when we had Clara." He gently grabbed my hand. "You're amazing. And yes, Yaz is fantastic.. but you, you have my hearts. That is something that no one can take away. So suck it up, go back to the TARDIS and talk to me. Be an adult." I turn to look at him, but he was gone. I breathe out, with that heaviness inside my chest. Could I look at her again? Knowing what I know? I stand up, I turn back and look at the TARDIS. I hesitated, when she came out of the door and I hide behind the wall. I shut my eyes, taking a shaky breath. I shouldn't of been afraid to be honest, but I was. "Shit." I whispered. Hours went by, I sat in a bar and just kept drinking. I down another shot of tequila, as the burn hits my throat. "Hey, gorgeous. Want to come home with me?" This guy asked me. "No, thank you."I rolled my eyes, as he looked offended. "Why not? What's wrong with me?" I laughed. "Your gender." He looked confused. "I'm gay, darling." I pour another glass of wine, as he just gets embarrassed and walked away. "Moron." I look up, almost jumping out of my skin. "I'm not angry. Just talk to me." How did she get here so fast? "Doctor- what the hell?" She sighed. "Why did you leave?" I knew she was angry, I could see it. "I could write a novel on the reasons, Doctor."

"Is it me? Did I upset you?" I shake my head, "No. No, it isn't you." I lied, but she knew. "Yaz told me everything." She admitted, looking away. "How much did she tell you?" I asked. "Enough." I nodded, "As much as I- I understand. And trust me, I want to. I want to with you. But you know, I can't. I can't." I look outside the window, "Doctor, I understand. I get it, I totally get it. You've made your mind up." I stand up, before I walk out and I slam the door behind me. "Y/n, just let me explain." She called after me, as I felt the tears. She grabbed my hand. "I don't need any explanation, you've said enough. Just get away from me." I suddenly snapped, I don't know what came over me. "You're angry, I understand. But I still want you to be with me. Please tell me we can stay the same." She begged me, "Stay the same? You want me after everything I've done? What do I have to do to make you leave?" My breath became shaky, as her eyes filled with hurt. "There's nothing you can do to hurt me. You could kill me with your bare hands and I'd still love you when I come back." The tears dropped onto my face. "Goodbye, Doctor." I walk away, not looking back this time.

And I knew that this was forever.

But it had to be.