Ellen George
My other mom keeps on knocking my door like a mad woman. The fuck with I- don't - want-to- go- is incomprehensible to them?
"Elle, I swear honey if you will not open this goddamn door of yours you'll not gonna-
Hindi ko na pinatapos ang sasabihin ni mommy dahil alam ko na ang kasunod nun. She'll cut my allowance and for sure she will throw me out again to some secluded place on earth to teach me a damn lesson.
"I was doing something and my music is too loud...obviously... Sorry mom." Totoo namang malakas ang tugtog sa stereo, my chemical romance- disenchanted playing on the background, pero kasinungalingan ang hindi ko siya naririnig sa lakas ba naman ng boses ni mommy. Nakapamewang itong masama ang tingin saken. Hininaan ko naman ang volume nang makitang mag tatransform na ito.
"Excuses, Ellen George." Irap nito at sinipat ang loob ng aking kwarto. Dali dali kong sinipa ang mga nag kalat na magazines sa sahig. Damn it.
I was just curious that's why I read about it!
Bdsm for damn sake Ellen!? Kastigo ko sa sarili.
My mom shakes her head. Natatawa itong tumingin saken.
Those magazines are dirty magazines that I borrowed from a friend at the University. Hindi ko na iyon naibalik kase nag migrate na ang taong iyon.
"Honey, it's okay." Habang hawak nito ang aking pisnge.
"I'll give you 10 minutes to prep and get. down. Fast." May pag didiin nitong sambit. Napatango nalang ako at wala nang nagawa.
Akala ko ay tuluyan na itong lalabas pero huminto ito sa may hamba ng aking pintuan.
"Love, you can always ask me you know." Namula ang pisnge ko sa pang aasar nito.
I cringe with the idea and rolled my eyes in disgust.
"Mom! come on?" Lumaki lalo ang may kalakihan kong mata dahil sa hiya.
Damn I'm so pathetic.
This is life for me, boring. I'm just so bored. Everything bores me.
When I was a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. I can't focus on certain task. I'm easily distracted and so hyper but it changed with lots of medications and therapies feeling ko na trauma ako doon.
Ngayong nasa 20's naman ako parang pakiramdam ko gusto ko nalang ulit magkaroon ng ganoong klaseng enerhiya.
This twisted mind of mine makes it difficult for me to fit in. Plus the fact that I was home schooled for obvious reasons. Ang mga kapatid ko rin. Ganito pag modernong pamilya. Ang mapanghusgang lipunan ang dahilan kung bakit mas gugustuhin mo nalang lumayo sa nakararami, maswerte nalamang kami at may pera ang parehong mga ina namin.
People will pay a huge amount of respect to you if they only see that screaming wealth on the top of your head.
Napailing na lamang ako nag simula nang mag ayos. It's my ninang Charlie's birthday. Kaya kinakailangang andoon ang magulang ko at kami.
I just don't want to go cause' it means that Andromeda and I need to pretend that we're fine and everything is all right like the bitch didn't sabotage everything that Leon and I built for years.
Naalala ko na naman ang lalaking iyon. Leon is my long time suitor. We've been together since highschool kahit nag homeschooling nga ako ay consistent parin ito. He's also cool with our family.
He's a rich man's son, disente, gentleman, wala akong maipipintas. Minsan nga ay nag tataka ako kung bakit pa ito nag aantay nang napaka tagal na panahon.
Sabagay we were childhood friends too, before he courted me. Pero lahat nang iyon nag bago na parang isang bula.
I caught him with Andromeda on bed. And fuck them for that.
Pero hindi iyon nakarating sa parehong mga magulang namin. I just can't hurt ninang Charl and ninang Mandy. They adore their little daughter so much. Mukhang anghel sa labas pero daig pa si Satanas pag wala sa radar ng magulang. Kaisa isang anak lang kase ito dahil hindi na naging matagumpay ang mga procedures ng in vitro ni tita Mandy kahit pa man siya'y magaling na doktor.
My parents are really close to them, that makes us a family already kaya kahit gustong gusto kong patayin nalang ang babaeng iyon ay hindi ko pwedeng gawin.
Naabutan kong maingay ang mga tao sa baba. Nag kukulitan ang dalawa ko pang kapatid. Gior and Giorgeth. They all looked so happy without me in the picture. My parents are teasing each other like smitten teenagers. Hindi pa rin kumukupas ang kanilang ganda. Mama is still fabulous. Ang maliit nitong mukha na parang hindi manlang tumanda sa pag lipas ng panahon. I never had her features. And I hate it. Mas lalong nakakaramdam ako ng pagkaiba sa kanila.
"Honey, what are you still doing there?" Pumukaw saken ang boses ni mommy. Sa kanilang dalawa ni mama ay mas malapit ako rito. Mama has always been distant to me. Of course I feel it but I'm choosing to ignore it. I have mommy anyway.
"You guys are so noisy." Irap ko pero tumawa lang ito at hinadkan ang aking noo.
"Grumpy old lady." Side remarks ni Gior at hinila na patayo ang aming bunso na nag titili naman.
"Hon can you help me with my things?" Untag ni Mama at tumalima naman ang asawa.
"Where are the maids ba? Pwede niyo naman ata silang utusan." Hindi ko mapigilang sambit.
"Anak sige na, these are just few kaya na natin to." I groaned but kept it to myself. Ayaw ni mama ng mareklamo. I heard from lolo na sobrang tigas nga ng ulo nito ng kanyang kabataan. Plus the fact that she's also a brat. Tapos ngayon argg-
"Elle!" Medyo high pitched na ang boses ni mama.
"Gosh. I'm coming!" Dabog ko at binitbit ma ang iilang regalo para kay ninang.
Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makitang andirito si mang Ramir para ipag maneho kami. Dahil kung wala siya ay paniguradong mauutusan akong palitan si mommy sa pag da- drive. May kalayuan ang mansyon nina ninang dahil sa syudad sila naka tira hindi gaya samin na nasa probinsya. Although hindi naman gaanong ka probinsya dahil marami na ring mga establishmento at negosyong nag sipagatayuan sa lugar.
Tahimik kaming lahat habang binabaybay ang daan. Nakita kong tulog ang aming magulang habang naka sandal naman sa aking braso si Giorgeth.
"Ellie are you okay?" Takang tanong nito.
"Of course."
"Of course you are not." Tuloy nito sa sasabihin ko.
"I don't want to go there you know." Sabi ko at sinuklay ang kanyang itim na buhok na kagaya nang kay mama. Mine is blonde which makes me really different from them. Baka sa donor nina mama kaya ganito ang features ko or maybe the woman's narrative before. I don't know I was just too young I barely remember her. May parte saking gustong tuklasin pa iyon but I'm too coward to even seek for that light.
Damn that light. Should I hide even more?
"For mama," Nag angat ito nang tingin saken at nginitian ako nang bahagya. She knew I wanted to please our mother. At alam din nito ang tampo ko dahil sa lantarang pagiging cold and distant ng sariling ina saken.
Napabuntong hininga ako at tumigin sa mga nadaraanan namin. Mabuti nalang at mabilis ang daloy ng trapiko ngayon. Medyo masama rin ang panahon. Mas lalo akong nababagot sa ganitong klase ng ambiance.
My sister hugged me tighter. I can't help but to smile. Kahit noong mga bata pa kami siya lang madalas maka sense saken. Aside from mommy she's always on my side.
"Sleep tight Getty." I whispered and hum her favorite song by Audrey Hepburn.
A/N
some chaps are still unedited so bear with me.
