Her heartbeat

❥ 4.

Past

After Isabelle left I was still sitting in the ice cream parlour.

I just needed to be alone and think. And becauseit was so late, there weren't many people in the store, which was good, so I could be alone with my thoughts.

I'm just so overwhelmed with the situation.

I can still remember my very first week in the hospital. It was the worst week of my life. I was only 12 when it all started.

We arrived and I first had to do endless blood draws. After that I had to completely change my diet, I was only allowed to eat soup and drink water.

Fruits was pureed for me, my mother asked the nurses to do it because she was afraid that I might suffocate.

I don't blame her either, because at the time I was in very poor health, very weak and pale most of the time.

Because I couldn't eat anymore, I had to swallow pills to get my appetite back, but my stomach didn't take them very good, so I threw them up straight away.

After about 4 months in the hospital I was allowed to go home again.

At home it continued with tablets, regular check-ups and my mother slept with me every day for a while to see if I was still breathing.

For a long time everything was fine until that one day.

I was 16 and gone with Isabelle .

We had planned a little vacation. It was a 2 hour drive from my then home. We just wanted to have some fun, it was summer vacation, so we thought we'd go to the beach.

Of course my mother did say no straight away, you can imagine why, anyway after a very long time I managed to change her mind.

So we drove to the beach.

We had booked a hotel but each had their own bedroom; the rooms were in one house but separate.

On the third day we went for a walk on
the beach and it was very hot, we still had 2 days until we would drive back.

I noticed how dizzy I was getting and asked Isabelle if we could go back inside.

So we went inside and I lay on the bed. Isabelle brought me some water and my pills. But the pills didn't help. It was weird cuz they always worked.

She was worried and wanted to call my parents but I stopped her.
If my mother found out that I wasn't doing well, she would never let me out of her sight again.

I just went to bed and told Izzy I was better so she wouldn't worry.

In the middle of the night I started sweating. I was completely wet on the neck and chest, then I got so sick, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

But that was not all, suddenly my hands and arms started to tremble and later my legs too.

I was terrified, nothing like this had ever happened to me before.

And then it happened; I broke down, I remember banging my head on the dresser next to the toilet, causing me to bleed very hard.

By the way I have now a scar on the top left of my forehead, thanks to the dresser

More scars, yay

From then on I didn't know what happened. I woke up and found myself back in the hospital at my home.

Izzy later told me that during the night she heard something falling off the dresser after I hit it, she said I was completely pale, my lips were blue and the floor was covered with blood.

From then on, my mother told me that I will never travel alone again.

And it's true

It's been a two years now and neither I nor my parents have gone traveled since then.

And for me it's especially bad, because traveling is my passion, I love to see other places, their culture and to meet new people.

My biggest dream would be to go to hawaii.

I know it's very hot there, but I also know that I would feel at home there. The clear blue ocean, the white beach, the whole coconut palms, the smell of the salty ocean.

A beautiful dream that will never come true.

So sorry it is indeed longer compared to the other chapters, anyways still hope you liked it.

Bye lovelies <3