ain't first, ain't last

36

  
   i tried.
   i tried to stay calm
   though i'm running
   out of time.

   when i told you
    i really don't know,
    truly, i mean it.
    and when i told you
    i'm still breathing—

    it means i'm fighting
    the chain around
    my neck that is
    choking me to
    love the idea
    of death.

    do not dare
    to blow the fire
    burning within me,
    a little darkened smoke—

    its breath
    is trying to
    suffocate the seed
    of hope buried
    six feet under
    my memory.

    if ever you hear
    this slow beating...

    just hug me tight.

    so tight.

    with your warmth,
    i might be able
    to released this coldness
    and somehow feel alive.