Helpless

I Wanna Know

When Tim had described our producer, I had imagined her completely different. Instead, I made eye contact with the most beautiful hazel eyes I have ever laid eyes on. Her hair was a honey brown shade. Her skin was flawless and those lips! I couldn't keep my eyes away from her. But when she smiled at me, I felt...like I was seen. As stupid and cliché as that sounds. I felt she saw right through me. And that scared me a little bit.

"Johnny?"

"Yeah?"

"You, okay?"

"Yeah, man. Sorry. I spaced out for a while. What were you saying?"

Tim stared at me for a while and said nothing. Then he sighed and continued to go over the scene I was about to film later that day. I knew Tim noticed that I couldn't keep my eyes off Jennifer. But he didn't say anything. At least not yet. I was grateful he hadn't mention it. How could I explain to him how she made me feel? I knew all about her life story because Tim was so excited to be working with her again. He had told me all about her life story. And because he loved her and admired her.

The truth was that I admired her too. That woman was a powerhouse. An intelligent young woman. She used her brain instead of her looks. So unlike...fuck it. No need to even think about comparing this woman to the wicked witch of the west. No. Jennifer was everything that witch wanted to be and claimed to be. But couldn't.
I wonder if I would see her around often. I wonder if I would see her again today. Would I be able to start a conversation with her without blowing it?

The scene I was about to film was with Javier and Tom Hiddleston. I was excited. I loved working with Javier, and he was a great friend. And though I had never met nor worked with Tom, I heard he was one of the nicest actors to work with. And from what I've heard, he was an excellent actor. Extremely dedicated to his craft and very versatile.

"And cut!", Tim yelled. "Let's take lunch and come back in about an hour."

"Thank goodness," Tom laughed. "I was beginning to get hungry. I didn't have the best breakfast this morning."

"I feel you, brother," I smiled. "Let's see what we can find."

I liked Tom. He was a genuine, sweet guy. And he had the most infectious laugh. It brought a smile to my face every time I'd hear him. We were so locked into our conversation that I didn't notice that Jennifer was fixing herself a plate by the main table.

"There's Jen!" Tom smiled. "Jen, darling," he called out. She immediately turned around and smiled at him. She let out a laugh as she hugged him.
"I hadn't seen you in a while," she said.

"I know. It's one of the drawbacks of being a Brit." They both laughed.

She then looked at me and smiled. Was it me? Or was she shy around me? Did she feel the same way I felt when I looked at her?

"Johnny and I were about to fix ourselves something to eat," Tom explained. "Would you like to join us?"

"Sure," she smiled. "I'd love that."

We made our way back into one of the tables and sat down to eat. "How are you liking the script so far?" She asked, smiling at me.

"It's a great script. I've been hoping for a movie like this to come my way for a couple of years now. I just.... I guess I wasn't sure if I'd be lucky enough to get it."

"Well, that makes me really happy to hear that." She smiled. "You are one of the greatest actors of this generation and having you be a part of this cast and being the main lead of this movie, is more than I would have ever dreamed of. I'm such a big fan of your work. It's extraordinary."

Wow. I felt like the wind was knocked right out of me. She was a fan of my work? Her words meant the world to me.
"Well, bless you for that. That's so sweet of you to say. Thank you. I am honored to be working alongside with you."

She looked surprised that I had said that. But then she immediately smiled. A grateful, sincere smile.

"Thank you," she almost whispered it.

After a while Tom excused himself because he had to make a call back home. I was left alone with Jennifer. I prayed that I wouldn't be too awkward around her. I wanted to make a good impression on her.

"So, what do you like to for fun?" She finally asked.

"I play my guitar and paint," I answered honestly.

"I play the guitar, too. But I don't paint."

"You play the guitar?" I was intrigued.

"Yeah," she smiled. "My dad is a singer and so is my grandfather. So, I grew up around music and instruments all of my life. My dad taught me how to play since I was little. I always wanted to be like him, and I would follow him around and sing along with him. He had no choice but to teach me."

"That's so sweet," I smiled. "Do you usually play along to some of your family's music?"

"Sometimes. But I also love to play along to some Elvis or Johnny Cash. I also love The Judds. But it really does depend on how I'm feeling that day."

"You like country music?"

"Yes and no." She laughed. "I do love Johnny Cash and The Judds. But that's only when I play guitar. My musical taste is all over the place. It's so eclectic."

We continued to talk about music for the remainder of our lunch. My admiration for her grew the more we talked. She was so genuine and so engaging. And so intriguing. She didn't pretend to be something she was not. She wasn't afraid to talk about her passion for music. And her music taste was in fact, very eclectic. The more we talked, I felt a strong connection with her. Almost as if I was supposed to be talking to her. As if I was supposed to have met her. As if there was a purpose to have her in my life. I felt so comfortable with her. A feeling I hadn't felt in a long time.

This wasn't too good to be true. This was real. She was real. And I was looking at one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever met. Not just physically. This woman was beautiful inside as well.