Helpless

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

I was exhausted by the time the plane landed in Mexico the next day. Lin-Manuel had arranged that I was greeted by Jen's grandfather's security and driven straight to their ranch. We had planned for me to visit her family but under different circumstances. This was not the way I wanted to meet her extended family. She was supposed to be here with me.

When I got there, I was greeted by Lin-Manuel. His eyes were red and swollen. He gave me a reassuring smile, but his smile didn't match his face. He was broken. As broken as I was. And I'm sure, as broken as her family was.

"Hey, man," he hugged me. It was a long, comforting hug. It was almost as if he was trying to hold on to me before he collapsed himself.

"Any update?" I asked.

"None," he answered, shaking his head. "Her dad and grandfather have alerted the police. They said they would start an investigation. But so far, nothing yet."

I nodded and looked down. I felt the tears start forming in my eyes. I had promised Lin-Manuel that I wouldn't break. A battle I seemed to be losing.

"Come on," Lin-Manuel said putting a hand to my shoulder. "Let's go inside. They are waiting for you."

I nodded and followed him inside. When I walked in, her parents were sitting down in the living room along with an older couple. I assumed they were Jen's grandparents. A woman greeted us on our way in, Lin-Manuel thanked her in Spanish, as she looked at me and gave me a sad smile. I nodded towards her politely. There was an eerie sense of loss. As soon as I walked in, it felt I was walking into a funeral. My anxiety was growing by the minute.

"Here he is," Lin-Manuel announced. They all turned around and looked at us. Jen's parents stood up and walked towards us. Jen's mom then reached out to me and gave me the biggest hug.

"Thank you for being here," she whispered. This poor woman. Her entire world must have been crashing down around her and here she was, trying to comfort me.

"I couldn't be anywhere else," I whispered. "I won't leave until we find her."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. She grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Johnny," I heard Jen's dad call me. "I want to introduce you to my parents."

Her grandfather stood up and walked towards me. He placed both his hands on my shoulders and stared at me. He then pulled me in for a hug. He hadn't said a word to me yet. Whatever he was feeling, I felt in that hug. I knew how much he loved Jen. I heard from her and her dad how he would call her his baby. His baby doll. His last child. As if she was his.

"Mijo," he said looking at me again. His eyes were filled with tears. "I've heard so much about you. Thank you for being here. Jen wanted me to meet you. She loves you so much."

The tears that I was trying to hold in were now visibly sliding down my face. His words had touched me. She had talked to them about me when she got here, and she was excited for them to meet me. Everything should have happened so differently and yet...she was gone. And no one knew where she was or who had taken her. Or why.

I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder from behind. But all I could do was look down and cry. I didn't care who saw me. I was in no mood of pretending to be okay. I was not. I was broken. And the only one who could fix me was Jen.

"She'll be back," I heard Lin-Manuel from behind me.

"How are you so sure?" I asked looking up meeting Jen's grandfather's eyes. He, too, was crying.

"Because" her grandfather responded in his broken English. "Our faith is telling us to hold on. And because Jennifer is a warrior."

Her grandfather then led us all to sit in the living room with the rest of the family. We talked about the last time they saw Jen. They had breakfast together that morning. They had discussed our relationship. And me visiting them. A couple of minutes later, she had left to meet a friend. She never came back. They told me they had found her car in the middle of nowhere. The driver's door was open, and her purse and her cellphone had been found inside the car.