Helpless

Slow Dance

I hardly slept that night. I kept replaying what Jennifer had said to me, about her wanting Daveed around her. And it killed me. I hated seeing her with anyone else that wasn't me. Yes, I knew it was my own fault. I broke things off with her. I had told her that I couldn't be with her. But seeing her with another man was still triggering.

If only I knew I was the man for her. If only I wasn't so emotionally fucked up. If only my past relationship never happened. If only I had met Jennifer years back. She would be my wife. We would probably have kids by now. Life wasn't fucking fair. I sighed and decided to get some sleep.


The next day, I had expected to have a long day on set. But I had completely forgotten that they had cut the day short to plan Javier's birthday party that night. Shit. I wasn't sure I even wanted to go. Daveed would probably be there getting handsy with Jennifer. And that's the last thing I wanted to see.

We finished up on set at around 5pm and we went to our trailers to get "ready to go home." Or so Javier thought. He had no idea he was about to get surprised by everyone. Everyone except me. But I would do my apologizing later. I'm sure he would understand.

A couple of minutes later, I was about to get ready to head home. When I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was one of my security guards, I opened only to find Javier standing there.

"Hey man," he said. "May I come in?"

"Sure, come on in."

"They surprised me with a birthday party," he said sitting down next to me. "I thought you knew."

"I did," I confessed.

"You hate my birthday that bad that you don't want any part of it?"

"No, brother," I said. "That's not it. It's...it's complicated."

"Jennifer?" He asked.

'Yeah," I sighed. "We broke it off."

"I heard about that," he nodded.

"Who told you?" I asked.

"Tim did," he said looking at right me. "Which is weird because I didn't even know you two were together."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You saw us together and you even gave me advice."

"Yes, I saw you two making out and sneaking away plenty of times. But that doesn't mean you two were dating."

There it was. People loved to bring that shit up.

"Yeah, people love to point that one out," I said defensively.

"Why did you decide to not pursue the relationship?" Javier asked me. Not a hint of sarcasm in his tone. He was completely serious.

"Come on, man. For the same reason I never asked her to be my girl. I could never commit to a relationship. I don't think I have it in me to ever trust someone again. I don't want to hurt her."

"You don't want to hurt her?" He asked. "You know how she reacted when Sean told her you weren't coming tonight?"

I looked at him and nodded no.

"She was hurt," he said. "She got all teary eyed. So, you tell me how you don't want to hurt her. Because you seem to be doing a helluva of a job doing just that."

"She got teary eyed?" I asked.

"Yes, she did."

"I'm sure she's okay now. Diggs is probably there keeping her company. That fucker is always around her."

"Daveed?" he asked. I nodded. "Daveed has a girlfriend. That he's been with for over four years. And brought to the party."

Of course! Of course, I was wrong about that one, too. I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. I felt stupid and embarrassed.
"I thought he liked her and wanted to be with her," I sighed.