Helpless

Sedative

JOHNNY'S POV

I waited for Jen to respond to my texts, but she never did. I tried calling her. Several times. Way more than I wanted to admit. But she never picked up. With each passing hour, I became increasingly depressed. My anxiety was on an all time high. I couldn't sleep. I stayed up all night, thinking about her. Crying. I would walk around the hotel room in a daze. She was really gone. And by the looks of it, she wanted nothing to do with me.

"Johnny?" I heard Joe's voice call out. We were traveling on our tour bus and were headed to our next gig. Our last gig. After tonight's show, I would be able to fly back home.

Home. Home was no longer my house. It was Jen's. Where would I go now? Would she want to talk to me? Would she listen to me?

"Yeah?" I responded. I was unable to look anyone in the eye. The only place I felt better was onstage. And even there, I felt lost.

"Man, you haven't left the back of the bus in hours," he sighed, sitting next to me. "I know it's hard. But you'll see her soon. And I'm sure you two will be able to work it out."

"She won't answer my texts or my calls," I mumbled.

"She probably needs time," he sighed.

I didn't answer. I had contemplated calling her parents. But decided against it. They probably hated me, and I didn't blame them. I was a coward. I let my own paranoia get the best of me and I lost the one good thing I had in my life. I had pushed her away when she begged me not to leave her. I was too afraid that history would repeat itself. I couldn't bare for anyone else that I loved, cheating on me. I kept thinking I was too old for her. And Fernando, well...as much as I hated him. He was young. He was handsome. He was charismatic. Everything I wasn't. I knew Jen loved me. Way more than I deserved. And I had tossed it all away.

"Come on, man," Joe said, placing a hand to my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "All you do is cry. We're worried about you."

"That's all I can do," I responded. "I need her."

"She'll be back," Joe nodded. "That woman adores you. I promise you. She'll be back."

I nodded. But something in my heart, told me that the battle to get her back was not going to be the easiest. After a while, Joe decided to give me my privacy. I sat there and cried some more. Every song I heard reminded me of her. I took a sip of my beer and wiped my tears away. I probably looked pathetic. A broken man suffering over the loss of the woman he loved. The woman he had practically thrown out of his life.

I need to know if she's okay.

But she won't answer my calls. Just then, it hit me. Lin-Manuel. I'm not sure if he was upset at me, but he was a man of integrity. He would let me know if she was okay. I immediately grabbed my phone and dialed his number.

"Johnny?" I heard Lin-Manuel on the other side. He seemed surprised I was calling him.

"Lin," I sighed. "Tell me she's okay. Please."

"She's....yeah," he responded. I wasn't convinced. Lin-Manuel and I had become close. I considered him my little brother and he was the one person I trusted, aside from my own inner circle. Something about the tone of his voice told me that everything was not okay.

"She's not," I responded. "Where is she? I need to talk to her."

"Johnny," he sighed. "She's with Vanessa and me. She'll be okay."

"But she's not okay, now, is she?" I asked. What was going on?

"She will be," he responded. "You two broke up. It's normal for people mourn a relationship they invested in heavily. She loved you. She loves you. It's gonna take her some time."