Forget (OffGun)

55.

Gun's POV:

"I'm sorry" I froze when P'Arm suddenly spoke after the long silence.

"We just couldn't bring ourselves to say it. We were so ashamed of ourselves. We were so one sided that we neglected what you feel" he added.

I took a deep breath as I am trying not to cry.

I know I said I deserve their apologies. But hearing it now makes it weird. It hurts and it's kind of disappointing.

Is it really hard to ask for forgiveness that they took five years? And P'Tay have seen me more since he's P'New's boyfriend.

"Gun, I know it's been five years but—"

"Yeah. It's been five years and I haven't heard any explanation or apologies from you" I cut P'Tay off. "Did you even consider doing so?"

"Of course. We— we just couldn't bring ourselves. We hurt you so much that we think we don't deserve it. We hurt you by hiding it and asking for forgiveness is like torturing you." P'Tay explained making me weak.

"We just thought that distancing ourselves will make you better. You don't need to forgive us because we know too well we don't deserve it nor treat us as your friends. No friends will hurt you like that" P'Arm added.

"You're too kind, Gun. We know that once we talked to you and asked for forgiveness, you'll do it, ignoring your pain because it's for the best" he added. He looked at me with his eyes full of regrets. He looks like he's holding his tears.

"We didn't hate you nor see you as someone we're uncomfortable with. It's for you. Seeing us will always remind you what happened 5 years ago. Our face will always makes you remember the heartbreak you went through because of us."

"That's why I'm always hesitating to talk to you. I might look like I was talking to you freely but it's just an act for New. He loves you and he cared for you a lot. He always wants us to be at least friends again. He was so confident you can forgive me."

I couldn't talk back when P'Tay talked. All I could was stare at them as my tears kept on falling. The pain in their eyes while watching me is painful to see.

"We know you can forgive us if we could just ask for forgiveness but Gun it's us. It's us who can't forgive ourselves for what we did to you. Off was the one who cheated but we were part of it. We tried to stop them thinking your relationship can fix if we could just stop it."

I couldn't help but cry even more.

"We don't want to make excuses because it's still wrong. We tried or not, you still got hurt. We never hated you, Gun."

I started sobbing as I kept on wiping the tears that kept on coming down my eyes.

"This is the reason why I don't want you to see me" P'Arm mumble as I noticed he's also holding his tears back before he pulled me into his arm. He started to pat my back as I cried harder.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for running away and not giving you the apologies you deserve. I'm sorry for being a coward."

I cried even harder.