𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | peter parker

xl. guilt

Time seemed to flow by after the events of the previous hours, as though they went by stages.

Loss, survivor's guilt, denial, realization, and finally, grief.

Then there was Peter.

My Peter.

My almost lover.

My heart was being torn into two almost an hour ago, and it consisted mainly of me trying to let go.

Even though I do not want to.

But anger has me consumed, and my soul feels broken and hopeless, and I feel, empty.

And it's like I'm in need of more, for my sake, making me think of myself only, making me feel.. selfish.

But we have to let go, right?

We are walking down different routes, that seem to be parallel, yet so close, but never intersecting.

It feels like we're side by side, but never meeting. Because parallel lines never intersect, right?

Maybe I just asked for too much, or maybe it's just fated for us.

In general, it all feels like a mess, like time is slowing down, changing all the clear, into unclear at the same time.

Yeah.

After my cuts were cleaned up, we went out searching for Peter, and found him from our first try.

I, however, waited for them below the building, not having the audacity to look him in the eye, maybe not even once.

Then, after the three Peters had their talk, they managed to convince the Peter of my universe to stick to his original plan, of curing the once-called villains.

And that's how we ended up in the laboratory.

The youngest Peter was working on his computer analyzing data, as the other two Peters work at the other side of the lab, cooking up the cures.

Ned was wandering between every Peter and the other, opening a conversation then leaving.

Mj was nowhere to be found, probably checking out the other laboratories for more materials.

And there is me.

I sit down on the furthest chair from the hard workers, facing the glass that shows the world outside, as I feel myself drifting apart for a few moments.

"Hey" a gentle voice then calls from behind me, and I turn around. The voice belonged to Peter.

The Peter of my universe. And according to my calculations, he's also the youngest Peter between the other two.

"Hi there" I greet back, sending him a little smile, as he takes a proper seat on the lab chair next to me.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay. You?"

"I'm fine"

That was it. Nothing of what I should've said to him could came out of my mouth.

I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm sorry" we then both said, in identical manners.

I directly raise my head up. "What?" we repeat, also together.

I take a deep breath, preparing my own words, in case my voice betrays me, like what it usually does. "I was so useless. I'm sorry. I was powerless too"

"I.. I was just laying there, having zero ability to do anything, and because of what? Because of a few kicks" I explain, looking outside the window. "I'm sorry, for not doing anything, and for helplessly laying there. I'm sorry"

I rush the words quickly out of my mouth, anxiously waiting for Peter's reply, which is supposed to be quick, just like mine.

"I am the one who should be apologizing" Peter states, looking at me, "I was the one who was laying there as you got beaten down, other than your head injury, back when we were still in Happy's apartment"

My eyes go wide at Peter's words, and I furiously turn to his side. "You did nothing wrong, please do not apologize, and let me do it, okay?"

I fold my arms together, slowly shaking my head. "This may sound stupid, b-but it's not.. I swear"

Peter smiles. "Go ahead"

I eye him quickly, before going on with my words. "Ever since I met you, you've felt like my responsibility. Like I should be your protector, and guard you from any possible threats"

I take a fast breath. "Especially after.. after, you know, Nat and Tony's death" I whisper it silently, rubbing the back of my neck. "You felt like you were my responsibility, and I should take care of you. And the fact that I was the one helplessly laying there, is not making me feel better about it. And no matter what you say Peter, I'll always carry the guilt of.. the guilt of her death over my shoulders"

I finish talking in a rush, just like the way I wanted it to be. Only to feel Peter's arms now around me, embracing me.

"Thank you thank you thank you" he whispers on repeat, burying himself in my grip.

"Thank you" he finally ends it, before quickly pulling back, a huge grin spread across his face. "I love you, Irene"

I couldn't resist the smile forming on my face. "I love you too, Pete" I mumble back and he gets up, planting a kiss on my cheek, before leaving for a the computer again.

I look back over at the lab. Ned is talking to the oldest Peter, looking deeply fascinated by him, and the middle Peter seems to be eavesdropping, and I smile at his sight.

"He's one hell of a pretty boy" a voice says.

I jump out of my chair, catching everyone's attention. I turn to look back at my chair, then back at them.

"Did you guys hear that?"

The two Peters give me strange looks, except for the middle one, who was smiling at me. I frown at him.

He shrugs, then continues with his work, the others following.

What the fuck was that.

I look back outside the window, my thoughts twirling around, as I then eye the middle Peter.

He is currently working on the cure for the lizard guy. He looked deeply invested in his work, as he grabs the chemical materials, checking them out one by one.

I slap myself on the inside. Stop your fucking staring, it's creepy.

I shake my head in confusion.

"What's up?" Mj suddenly questions, literally appearing out of nowhere.

"Hey Mj" I greet back, sending her a smile. I've always loved this girl. I then remember. "Hey, um, did Peter talk to you, after.. you know?"

Mj shrugs, with a heavy sigh. "I wanted him to. But he didn't, more likely, he couldn't." she explains, get eyes glued on him.

"And I really don't know what to do, you know. Or how to help. It gets.. confusing"

I look back at her, slightly nodding in acknowledgment. "I think you should try talking to him now, like, right now. Just don't say much. Hug him, and I bet all his pain will ease away"

Mj chuckles beside me, playfully pushing me away. "You really think so?"

"I know so"

She looks back at Peter, again, before clapping her hands on her thighs, then getting up. "Whatever you say, m'lady"

I let out a small smile as Mj makes her way towards her boy, sitting on the empty chair next to him.

They talk a few short, unclear words together, before Mj pulls him to her, their foreheads now touching, as she slowly strokes his arm.

I think I've seen this film before.