The Heartthrob Won't Leave

Chapter Thirty-Two (New Chapters)

The air in the car was silent, but it wasn't uncomfortable necessarily. At least Blake wanted to do her part to make it feel like it wasn't, all the while she found her stress level chattering its meter.

"Well, that was an interesting moment" he claimed

"I suppose s-so" she responded, leaning back in her seat to watch the lights flutter the night through the side window.

"What happened to the old place you were living in?" he asked suddenly, causing her brain to tweek.

"This is temporary-" she spoke in a beat "Only a few weeks"

"I see" he responded "I've never seen a house with so many girls in it" he sounded amused. It wasn't so out of the realm of possibility that he heard what the other girls said, just as she did. But, she doubted it affected him, it probably wasn't the first time by a long shot that had happened to him.

"Girls can be...complicated" she responded, gripping her hands in her lap. She was repeatedly reminded of the makeup that surrounded her eye every time the spot achingly throbbed. Not even girls were capable of understanding other girls. It wasn't long before he was parking the jeep in front of the movie theater, and they were walking across the lot towards the front doors. She found her eyes trained on the people surrounding them, the strangers. She had been hoping they wouldn't run into anyone that knew them, perhaps would get the wrong idea from this situation. Definitely not Zac's fangirls, she had seen the carnage they were capable of before when Zac showed a little bit more attention to one girl over the others. Luckily nothing ever happened to Stella because of that, probably because the other girls were more afraid of her, they couldn't control her even if they tried so they gave her a free pass to do whatever she pleased.

"Do you want something?" Zac asked, referring to the concession. A popcorn would be nice. She thought, but was reminded that she had no money on her. It was worse enough that Zac was paying for her ticket, she couldn't inconvenience him any more than that.

"That's alright-" she waved her hand gently "Dinner was b-big" she nodded his head.

"If you want any, you can always have some of mine" he responded, smiling down at her. Like that would ever happen. That would be much too greedy. They settled into their seats in the darkened room. Zac held onto his bag of popcorn in his lap next to her, as the ads before the movie started playing on the screen. She didn't know what to do, what to say, but the silence was alright too. In a way, being with Zac was calm, despite her raging anxiety. As the movie played she kept being reminded of her supposed 'date' with Lucian, where he did nothing but push her buttons. He had actively tried to push her from her comfort zone and throw her into the unknown. He could be scary, but he also had a gentle smile, she liked that smile.

What am I even doing?

Before any of this happened, the thought of Zac asking to spend time with her would have sent her into an excited frenzy. She would have been jumpy and psyched, questioning the what-ifs. But, now she was here, and all she could think of while spending time with this great guy was somebody else. All that was on her mind was having moments like this with somebody else. She didn't deserve Zac, she didn't deserve Lucian either. I deserve to be alone forever.

She found herself glancing at him from the corner of her eye, scruffy blonde hair and dark-blue eyes reflecting the moving shapes and dancing lights on the screen. Her lip quivered, and she bit it in an attempt to make it stop. Her heart started to throb within her chest, an aching that wouldn't let up. She suddenly felt something brush just the slightest hint against the skin of her hand, eyes shot down to investigate. It was his hand, and it came closer. Her eyes just stared, wife and unmoving as his pinky brushed hers, just the slightest touch of skin on the armrest between them. Glancing up at him, it was as if he was just watching the show, or pretending to. She decided to do the same, but her eyes snapped down on instinct when his palm overlapped her own, heart racing in her chest so hard she wanted to double over in pain. The fingers interlaced, into a lock she felt she wouldn't have been capable of escaping. He was holding her hand. Zachary Quintin was holding her hand. But, at the moment, all that could come to mind was wondering how Lucian's hand would have felt. His hand looked large, would it feel rough? Soft? She was fretting over a fantasy. She had to mentally punish herself to make it go away. She was in a movie, finger interlaced with a guy she had a crush on her a very long time and all she could think about was a guy that probably hated her now.

I'm such a bad person.

The movie ended, and Zac let go of her hand. She missed the feeling of it, holding someone else's hand, and it just made her feel more guilty. She was shameful. He guided her out the doors, back to the car and as they drove, he spoke.

"Did you like the movie?"

She suddenly realized she had no idea what the movie was even about, she had been so caught up in her inner turmoil that she wasn't paying attention. The movie had merely become background to the mocking of her own toxic thoughts.

"Yes, I enjoyed it" she responded gently, keeping her head down slightly, at the fingers locked in her lap.

"I wish we had more time before I had to get you back, but it's alright" he claimed with a smile

"I'm sorry" it was an impulsive response. After all, her own lack of judgment had been the reason she had been sent to the group home, to begin with.

"It's no problem, there is always next time" her eyes widened slightly at his words, glancing at him. He just had his eyes forward, demeanor as if he didn't say anything that was crazy just the moment before. Perhaps it was only crazy to her. Hopefully, Stella would be available for the next one, that way we could hang out together as friends rather than as strangers.

Stella may have not been the perfect friend, but she did ease Blake's anxiety, even if she did talk about her flaws like they were the latest fad. Maybe it was just because they had known one another for so long, Blake was comfortable with the familiarity.She watched as he pulled up to the house, getting out into the cold.

"Thank you for taking me tonight" she claimed, holding the door with her palm

"No problem, I'll see you at school on Monday" she nodded at his words with a gentle smile, closing the door. Blake walked up to the house, listening as the jeep drove away. The lights were out, everyone else was supposed to be in bed already after all. So, she jumped when she heard the voice as she was taking off her shoes by the front door.

"Did you have fun?" It was Gracy, still sitting on the couch. She probably had to wait up for her.

"Yes," she responded, shuffling off her winter coat. It wasn't like it was a bad experience, Zac had been nice to her. The only thing that she wanted to erase was her selfish thoughts. All she had done was mourn the loss of Lucian in her life.

"It's lights out, so hurry up to bed" she directed, and Blake didn't complain. She walked up the stairs in the dark, opening the door. Bridgett was still awake in the bottom bunk, using a small flashlight to read a book in bed.

"I didn't know you hung out with Zac Quintin" she claimed as Blake walked over to her dresser, pulled out her night clothes, and started changing.

"He's just a guy in my class" Blake responded, pulling her shirt over her head. There was no doubt Bridgett knew who the famous three were, after all, she did go to the same school. Even people from other schools knew who they were.

"Maybe you can give me an in" Blake turned her head "Does he like older women?" She just smiled, and Blake couldn't help but chuckle, running her hand through her knotted hair. It still kind of hurt Blake to think about Zac with someone else, she did like the guy. But, she had no right to state her own opinion, she wasn't anything to Zac but a classmate. Besides, getting upset over uncontrollable things would do nothing to benefit her.

"I'm not sure, you'll have to ask him" Blake responded, climbing up the ladder to the top bunk. She laid her head on her pillow, staring up at the dark, bland ceiling. She continued to respond when Bridgett spoke little quips, but her emotional exhaustion was getting the best of her. Her eyes were tearing, she could feel it, the lukewarm drops as they slid across her upper cheeks and disappeared into the fabric of her pillow cover. It was dark, and she would never tell anyone, nor give a hint at just how miserable she really was.