After mockingjay

Chapter 18

I must have fallen asleep because I wake up in my room to someone screaming Peeta's and my name. It's Haymitch. He opens up the bedroom door! "What!" I say. "Take a look for yourselves." Says Haymitch throwing a bunch of magazines on the bed. Oh my gosh. On all the front covers is Peeta and I laying on the couch with my mom interrupting! How in the world did they get that? I thought the press were gone! Apparently I was wrong. Peeta seems surprised too. I flip through the pages to find the little informational paragraph about the front cover. It says 'Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, the star-crossed lovers of District 12, trying to get some alone time, but Mrs. Everdeen still isn't allowing it. Will Katniss ever get her love life out of grasp from her mother?' Oh my. When my mom sees this, what will she think? I'm still thinking about how the got that picture. Are there cameras in the house? We're those peacekeepers putting cameras in?

I'm not alone. And I never will be. Wherever I go, I'm always on film. It hasn't changed. From the reaping when I was 16 through the rest of my life, I will always be watched. Cameras will never leave. That thought makes my want to scream and hide forever. "What was your mom really doing?" Asks Haymitch. "She was getting her coat. How did they get that picture?" I ask because I really want to know. "I have no idea, maybe when they got in and were looking around? I don't know." Says Peeta. I'm not ready to go out in public and have a bunch of people coming up to me and talking to me. "Wait, when was this?" Asks Haymitch. "It was awhile ago, but if they had cameras in here for so long, why didnt they put out pictures before?" I ask."I mean, they could've got Haymitch spraying us, Effie all angry at me. There's many times they could've and they didnt." I add. "Yeah ummm sweetheart? I don't think you looked at the others." He says. When he shows me them, I know I'm wrong. There's one with Haymitch spraying us, and Effie barging into my house.

That one word I always think about that I know I'll never have pops up into my head. Privacy. Something I can only dream of. Then two more words pop up. Kill Snow. Kill Snow. That's what I want. But no one would let me go. It's 'too dangerous' is what they'd say. And I know it is, but I want it done, and I want it done soon. I could get on a train to the Capitol at midnight. The Capitol. The forbidden place I promised never to return to. But I have to. I must. I need to. I've noticed I was tuned out. I get back from my daydream and start listening. "The house is bugged. Great. We could go to my house, maybe." Says Peeta. "I could bet everything I have that all our houses are bugged." Says Haymitch. I bet on everything I have he's right. That's why I need to get to the Capitol, soon.

I could pack while Peeta's at the bakery and then if he's not home by the time I'm done, I'll go then. But that means in the public. With people wanting to talk to me. Who cares, this is important to you. Nothing is going to stop you! "I'll keep an eye out for anything suspicious." Says Haymitch. "Okay." I say. Once he leaves, Peeta gets in the shower. Annie and Fin come over to stay with me while Peeta's gone. When Peeta gets out he smiles and picks up Fin. Fin is 1 year old. Seeing Peeta with Fin makes me think of Peeta wanting kids. I know that's all he wants, but I can't. I can't bring a child into this world and have it taken away or hurt. Peeta is so good with children though. Fin is smiling and so is Peeta. I shouldn't be worrying about this till later. "Well, I better get going." Says Peeta while putting Fin down. I hug him for what seems like the longest time because it could be the last time I see him.

We kiss and he's gone. "I'm going to go take a shower." I tell Annie. "Okay." She says. I go upstairs and turn on the shower so she thinks I'm in it. I start packing. I pack pretty much everything. I decide to write a note. I won't tell where I am, but I'll just tell them not to worry. I get some paper and a pen and write:

Dear Everyone,

I've gone somewhere. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Please don't come after me. I'll be fine. I love you all.

From,

Katniss

I set it down on the bed and look out my window. No one is out there so I grab my stuff and climb out. I make it down safely and head toward the train station. I buy a ticket and get on. When I walk on it gives me memories from my trips to the Capitol for the games. I find a bedroom which I'm guessing is mine. I unpack and lay down. I look at the time. Peeta should be getting home in an hour. Annie probably already figured out I was gone and is calling Peeta now. I know people are going to be worried sick, but I'm fine. I don't want anyone endangering themselves because of me. That's why I have to do this alone. I look at my ring. Then I think of Peeta. Peeta. The only person I'm sure I love. The only person I'm sure I can trust. I feel bad for doing this. But it has to be done.

I decide to sleep through the whole ride. Nightmares. Snow killing me, then Peeta. Great. I wake up and Peeta isn't there to comfort me. Because I left him. And everyone to do what I need to do. I get up and take a shower. When I get out we are pulling into the Capitol's train station. I grab my stuff and get into a hotel. The Capitol has not changed a bit. Still people in their bright colors. I cover my face, not wanting to be noticed. Once I get in my room I hear a phone ring. I pick it up but don't say anything. "Hello Ms. Everdeen. Is everything to your likings?" Says someone. It's the front desk. "Yeah everything's fine." I say and hang up. I look out the window and see the top if Snow's mansion. It's a couple miles away. Perfect. I start planning. I could go in as a guest maybe. Act like someone else.

I'll do that tomorrow. Right now, I'm just going to sit and relax, even though I can't. I'm glad I packed my bow, because I'll need it. I walk around the room and see it has a kitchen, bedroom, and living room. I go to the kitchen and just make a sandwich because there's already food here. I sit down and eat. There's nothing to do alone so I just sit around, look out the windows, and try to calm my nerves. I'm in the Capitol. The Capitol. The place where my beloved sister died. The place I never wanted to return to, but look where I am. I'm sitting around when the phone rings. What do they want now? I answer without saying anything. I'm shocked. "Katniss? Katniss? Is that you?" Asks the voice.