impermanence

seven.

𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒅𝒂𝒚

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

when you wake up, and it's hard to get out of bed;

and when there's too much noise inside your head.

when you feel like if you talk
to anyone, you'll be angry.

i wish it wasn't so draining being around my friends;

i wish i could talk to them about feelings.
but after you hear the
"i identify as an attack helicopter" joke
once, you've had enough.

when you argue with your sister
and regret the words

( because you always wind up
regretting most of your words
anyways )

and when you want to crawl under
the covers and vanish forever.

when smashing your phone feels like
a good idea, even
when you know it isn't.

when you try to pick an outfit,
and your mom is mad you won't wear
the shirt she wants to see, but you
can't tell her you are a boy.

when it heavily wears on you that
this body isn't mine
but you just smile and say
"i'm fine."

when you curse your parents for the
genes you've got, because today
you woke up feeling too sad to
live.

everyone always says it gets better.

when?
when does it get better?

as the days dwindle on,
i'm scared i was cursed
to live a life that only gets worse.