𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
no one ever tells you
about trans guilt,
this internalized feeling
you have that makes you feel
like you killed your parents' child
two birds,
one that chirps a happy tune
the other that sounds melancholy
two wolves,
one that howls in joy
the other that whimpers in pain
as you look over
old pictures of yourself,
of you as a little kid,
you choke back your tears
and smile at how cute you used to be
but you don't even recognize
yourself in the mirror
it makes me sick
this ache in my heart
these tears in my eyes
it makes me sick
feeling like this
i shouldn't have to feel
so upset
about growing into myself
shouldn't have to feel
so guilty
about being the real me
others teenagers grow
and change
and i'm doing the same
so why does it feel
so
different
this is still my parents child
same skin, same hair, same heart
but it breaks with every beat
and i sit on the bathroom floor
crying
to the beat of my favorite songs
there's no one i can talk to
everyone feels so far away
i'm drowning
under my feelings
will i ever be okay?
the coffin is empty
everyone says this is a funeral
when it's supposed to be a celebration
and i'm supposed to be happy
it isn't supposed to feel like this
i wish i didn't feel like this
this body wasn't made to hold
this much sorrow
this much pain
to hold this much guilt
YOU ARE READING
impermanence
Poetry[ impermanence ] • noun - the state or fact of lasting for only a limited period of time ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ➸ 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭/𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐞𝐦𝐬
