impermanence

thirty-seven.

𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒏 – 12.15.22

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

it is winter,
and i am sad
and tired
and it is growing colder

my breath comes out
in puffs of white
in the air before my face
as i stare up at the sky
i haven't yet found my place

i curl up under my
blankets,
and feel the tears
settle into my skin

i hug stuffed animals
tight to my chest and
hope to calm the panic
spreading through my head

i brush my teeth
as if trying to rid myself
of all the guilt
i've accumulated this year
and i spit out the blood
of all the fallen angels

in two weeks and some days
it will be my birthday
and after that,
new years will come

i am the same
yet i am different
but i'm broken nevertheless

each minute spent writing
is another minute gone
and i haven't quite adjusted
to the current of time

when the new year rolls in
will i be happy with the way
everything turned out
or will i wish everything
had been different?

god, i am so angry
and i am so afraid

happy new year
and happy holidays