Shattered

Chapter 11: Almost

Kaden's POV:

"The saddest word in the whole wide world is the word almost." – Nikita Gill

There was a word, I just wasn't sure what it was. I couldn't think of the word to describe how it felt to have Violet look at me with such vulnerability I was sure we were making progress, just for her to put those walls up with a vengeance seconds later. Frustrating wasn't it, hurt seemed so trivial but was the closest I could get to describing it. It hurt every part of me that longed to be her safe place when those beautiful eyes so quickly changed from open to closed-off the moment someone walked by and closed the bathroom door loudly, making her jump and snapping us out of our moment.

"Tour's done," she muttered, sliding the book back in place. "We should join the fun."

She gave a wide arc when she moved past me to leave the room and that hurt, too. Her fingers barely touched mine when she closed the book and she jerked them back so fast I started to wonder if for whatever reason it hurt her to touch me instead of feeling good.

I was getting too much in my head. It wasn't about me. There were obviously issues holding her back from me that a simple mate bond couldn't fix. I wondered how much of that was from family. Her dad. Her brother. The way she was so scared when Alek mentioned him left me unsettled. A brother wasn't someone she should be afraid of. I couldn't help but wonder what the hell happened.

It will take time, I tried to tell myself. Patience wasn't something that was difficult for me and it really wasn't a lack of patience with her. It was more that I knew if she'd let me, I could take some of that heaviness so she wouldn't have to carry it alone and that's what I was desperate for. I was impatient to ease her burden, not impatient with her.

Walking back into the living room, I discovered she was in the kitchen drinking again. Goddess, whatever it was hurting her it had to be big. Tess and Xander were worried about how much she drank, that she an addiction, but we'd had pack members struggle with addiction and it just felt different. Tess and Xander didn't feel Violet the way I did. They didn't feel the hesitation every time she took a drink, as if she didn't really want to. With Violet, it didn't feel like something she couldn't stop. I could feel her and what I felt wasn't addiction, there were a lot of things affecting it but the one I noticed the most was a desperate need to numb herself.

She was closed off vocally but our bond was another story. Our bond was loud and I felt every little thing coming from her. Before Tess and Xander started overthinking our bond, Tess said it was because she kept it all in. It was something Addie experienced with Xander, too. The emotions needed to be let out somehow and with me nearby, they were practically screaming through our bond for a way out. I'd never been around her without feeling constant pain and fear, the only exception being when she was singing and playing the guitar with Alek. It was the first time I saw and felt her at anything near peace.

We ended up at her two couches in the living room but she pulled a chair from her kitchen table and sat at it instead of next to anyone. She sipped on her drink and didn't say much but I could tell, she was a listener. She didn't miss a single thing that was said and it was adorable to watch her lips twitch up into a small smile when someone made a joke. I thought it was going okay until Tess made a comment about how Violet had a nice apartment. Something in her shifted but it wasn't just her. Alek's smile faltered and Lola suddenly went quiet.

"Thanks, but it's temporary," Violet said. "I won't be here much longer. I don't live here, I'm only here for a project."

That didn't sound right, this was where she'd been this whole time, she shopped for her neighbor, that wasn't temporary. She was lying. Why would she lie to us about this? Xander must've caught on too because his eyes shifted to me briefly, as did Tess's.