Shattered

Chapter 21: Overprotective

Violet's POV:

"Suffering is wishing things were other than they are."- Buddha

"What is wrong with you?" I whispered as I gazed into the rearview mirror after adjusting it for the sole purpose of glaring at myself. "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Myself didn't answer. We only stayed there, glaring at each other, unsure what the other was thinking but certain we hated each other. The person in the mirror was the only one I could blame for deciding to, in the loosest terms possible, kidnap Kaden. Loosest because I was then sitting in my car, outside his Air BnB, alone, and regretting all my decisions while he was inside gabbing shit he might need for the following several hours.

"You're such a fucking idiot," I told myself, almost wishing glares had the power to kill so I would die. "Why do you always do this?" I sighed, my knuckles turning white from how tightly I gripped the steering wheel.

I did always do this. There were brief, fleeting moments where I thought I could be normal. Those moments were so powerful that I'd get caught up in them and think I could do normal things, continue the moment forever so I never had to feel broken again. The problem was, the moments never lasted, and then I was left with the stupid decisions I made when I thought happiness was possible. The regret was instant but I was stuck.

Kidnap Kaden. I couldn't have anything with him. If this didn't send the poor guy a mixed fucking signal, I didn't know what else possibly could.

I took in a deep breath, gripping the steering wheel even tighter, until the little pins and needles I felt in my skin told me I was cutting off circulation. Loosening my grip, I leaned back against the seat and got out my phone. There had to be some sort of scientific psychological thing happening in my brain that made me do stupid shit like this. It wasn't the first time I got too caught up being around someone and then took it too far, but maybe if I understood why I was doing it, it would be the last.

Trying to figure out what the hell to search for on the internet for that wasn't easy, but eventually I came up with enough keywords that a promising article showed up.

"See, Alek?" I muttered. "I don't need a psychologist, I can just learn techniques on my own." I scrolled through the article, a frown forming as I read the words. "Most likely a trauma response? Really?" I sighed. "Why is it always trauma? And what dumbass suggestion do you have for me?" I asked, scrolling to read further. "Help from a licensed professional, okay, well fuck you, I'm not doing that," I said, tossing my phone onto the seat and crossing my arms.

One second I was in silence, the next there was a thumping against my window. I screamed and jumped, turning in my seat towards my driver-side window where a face was just sitting there, staring. I screamed again then regained composure as I recognized Kaden's friend, Xander. Fuck, you're lucky I didn't have a gun in my hand. I took a couple seconds to breathe before I reached down to crank the window open.

"Sorry," he said, furrowing his brows and bowing his head slightly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's after midnight," I commented.

"It is."

"Why aren't you sleeping?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why aren't you?" He countered.

"Busy," I answered, narrowing my eyes. I almost felt like he and I were playing some game of who would give up their secrets first. The joke was on him, I'd had to keep secrets my entire life, it was a game he could only lose. "Why aren't you?"

He chuckled and ran his hand through his hair before crouching down, resting his forearms on the windowsill of my car. "Couldn't sleep. I was running. Running helps me manage stress and avoid overthinking."