Life's Unexpected Turn

Chapter 4: Painting

*Parker's POV*

I jolted upright with my eyes snapping open, covered in a cold sweat, and shaking. My heart furiously pounded as I looked over my arms with a paranoid feeling looming in the back of my mind. Damn, where am I? Am I safe? Was it real? I rubbed my eyes, helping to remove the sleep from them and aid in recognizing my current surroundings. I double-checked my body from the torture I recalled during my recent nightmare by touching the scars hidden behind my vibrant, colorful ink. Okay, okay... See, no fresh cuts or burns. You're okay. It was just a bad dream, Parker.

I let out a deep sigh.

Shit, that nightmare felt so real; I hate it. I have already lived that life once, and being back, even subconsciously, is terrifying. I wish my mind didn't play games with me and make me suffer. I have been working very hard to overcome my past trauma; it hasn't been easy. To summarize my life, when I was with Brooklynn, it was a persistent, agonizing hell. I was chained to her rotted basement floor for months on end, constantly tainted and tormented. Those days when she would release me only contributed to more agony. At one point, I learned to find joy in staying locked in the basement because that meant I could have a sliver of peace. Though, that was scarcely ever the case.

I felt the sweat that coated my body gradually drying from the cool air surrounding me. It began to make me shiver anew. Now that I think about it, it has been quite some time since I've awoken with a night terror as intense as this one. It just felt so real; why do they always feel so real? I have had some crazy dreams periodically, but... nothing has roused me with such a disorganized, ominous stupor from reliving my inconceivable past.

The image of my old life forced me to recall what I had gone through and everything I had survived. Burns. Cuts. Stabs. Rape. Beatings... As if they had a mind of their own, my arms crossed over my chest, holding myself, providing comfort. I then ran my hands soothingly up and down my arms. I needed to feel that they were still okay, that the sudden uncomfortable sensation my body was feeling was merely in my head. Why is this happening? I thought I was doing much better...

"I know all of my wounds are healed as well as covered by tattoos... but... sometimes I can't help how they still affect me, especially at times like these, when I recall my past pain. Though covered, each scar is a part of me; buried underneath," I said, speaking to no one but myself. I need to shake these feelings, or else I will drown again...

I rose from my bed after peeling off the blankets that were stuck to my damp body. This is as good a time as any to wash my bedding. I then stretched, enjoying the sound of my stiff bones cracking. I quietly proceeded into the bathroom across the hall, closing the door behind me. I need to keep it down because I don't want to wake Shay. I turned the sink on, washed my face with cold water, and brushed my teeth aftward.

I glanced in the mirror and saw my tired sky-blue eyes gazing back at me. It's okay; you'll catch up on your sleep soon enough; you always do. I noticed the many self-affirming sticky notes Shay wrote for me and had plastered alongside the wooden frame. I smiled and mentally read each one.

~

Park, you are my best friend, and you've overcome many obstacles in your life. You should hold your head up high and be proud! I wanted to write a few affirmations that I feel relate to you. If anything, these words should help remind you what every single person in the world sees when they look at you. I know I do!

1. I am loved!
2. I am talented!
3. I am funny!
4. I am inspiring!
5. I am so damn strong!
6. I am very successful!
7. I am grateful!
8. I am humble!
9. I am freaking amazing!
10. I am filled with focus!
11. I am motivated!
12. I accept myself!
13. I belong to this world!
14. My soul radiates goodness!