Save me

Chapter 20: Want Me

Ashley's pov

11:03 AM

Gosh I don't think I've slept in this long in forever.

I yawn and start to get out of bed when I feel someone pulling me back to them. "Mmm...five more minutes."

I blush hearing Sams deep voice in my ear.

She nuzzles my neck a little before kissing it and I feel like my heart is going to explode.

Then I remember the kiss.

She kissed me last night.

I gently touch my lips, remembering the way it felt when hers touched mine.

It felt so right. As if our lips were made for each other.

I start to melt into her arms when I realize something.

This. Us. It's only temporary.

I'm only ever of interest to her when she's hurting.

She's made it clear countless times that she doesn't feel that way for me so I shouldn't even get my hopes up.

I'm about to get up when I feel her shifting behind me. She lifts her leg over mine and straddles my waist before pinning my arms above my head. "What are you over here worrying about so early in the morning?"

My face heats up and I feel as if I can't breathe for a moment.

She's only wearing some briefs and a muscle shirt so the view right now, is pure torture. "I...I was just thinking..umm.."

She smirks and leans toward me. I close my eyes awaiting a kiss on my lips but she veers off and kisses my cheek. "Hm?"

I sigh and clear my throat before I finally look into her eyes.

They're deep and full of want,but I can't.

Every fiber of my being wants me to just let her have her way with me, but I know I can't.

It'll be amazing in the moment, but when everything is over, I'll be the one getting hurt again. "Well if you must know, I was thinking about cooking breakfast but that's kind of hard when you're on top of me."

She rolls her eyes and moves off of me so that I can get up.

When I get to the bathroom, I finally catch my breath well enough to do my morning routine and get dressed.

Once I leave the bathroom, I head down stairs to make breakfast and I can't help but feel as if something has changed.

I'm not saying that she ever forced me to mess around with her or anything before but, she used to be a bit more...persistent.

I start making pancakes and as I'm flipping one, I feel her wrap an arm around my waist as she props her chin onto my shoulder. "Need some help?"

She reaches up and grabs a bowl for the eggs out of the top shelf and I smile. "Sure. If you mix the eggs up, I'll cook them."

She beams at me and kisses my cheek before getting to work on the eggs.

Everything is almost done, so I go to grab the juice out of the fridge when I feel her wrap an arm around my waist and pull me back against her. "Hey." She softly kisses along my neck and i bite my lip a little as I enjoy the feeling of her lips on my body for a moment. "You have any plans today?"

I nod my head as I feel her fingers softly caress my hips. "I umm...I have a meeting today and..."

I gasp a little as I feel her gently bite along my collar bone. "That sounds fun. Want me to pick you up after? I don't mind."

I start to respond when I feel her nibble on my weak spot. I lean back against her more as my legs begin to shake. "Fu..fuck.."

I feel her smirk against my neck and I can't take it.

I spin around and push her up against the counter catching her by surprise. "Oh! Hello there."

I frown a little and I see the amusement leave here face. "What's gotten in to you lately? You haven't been this...touchy,in awhile. Is everything okay?"

I gently caress her face and she smiles down at me before pulling me in closer by my waist. "I'm perfectly fine love. I just...need to feel you."

I blush at the intensity of her gaze and turn my head away. "Why is that? You haven't needed me like that in awhile."

She gently grabs my chin and pulls me back so that I'm looking up at her and I gulp a little.

The look in her eyes is so captivating.

The sun shining in from the kitchen window is hitting them at just the right angle and her hazel eyes are shining brighter than any diamond I've ever seen.

The warmth of them sucking me in deeper, almost like quicksand.

The more is resist, the harder it is for me to get away but if I just relax and allow myself to fall, i feel as if I would finally feel whole.

She smiles and gently brushes a strand of hair out of my face. "You are my soulmate. I've known since the moment I met you that You we're going to be special. At first I was afraid. Afraid of the way I felt towards you because the feeling is so intense that it hurts. I crave you so much that I feel as if i will literally die if I don't see you, or feel you, or hear from you. I feel like I need to be near you to feel sane. I knew they I was bad for you. That if you were with me then nothing but pain would fill your life and I didn't want that. As your friend I can still be near you without holding you down.Then I met Paige. For a long time I was blinded. I could only see with my eyes and even though I still cared deeply for you, I couldn't look past her.I know that I hurt you ash. You deserve so much better and I just..."

"Shh.."I softly wipe away the tear that escaped from her eye and kiss her cheek.

Every word she said, hurt me more and more.

This feeling she talks about, I know what she means.

I'm I've been feeling it for years but I had to hold it In. She didn't see what I saw, she didn't have to watch me live a happy life with my wife and kids.

She didn't have to feel the pain of knowing that the one person on this earth that you are meant to be with, is already taken.

I grip the front of her shirt as I feel the tears begin to build behind my eyes.

I rest my forehead on her chest as she looks down at me. "How could you...not ask me? What if that's not what I wanted?"

Her eyes widen when I look up at her, tears pouring from my eyes.

"I needed you. I craved you every day for years. I had to watch from the sidelines as you chose any and every woman but me. I had to go through hell just to push the thoughts of you out of my mind. Yet this whole time....this whole time you have felt the same but you chose to not want...me."

She wipes my tears and I can see the panic begin to set within her. "No baby I just...I thought it would be best if..."

I sigh before pushing off of her. "I...I don't think we should do this right now. I...I need a minute."

I leave before she has a chance to speak and close the bedroom door behind me once I make it upstairs.

I don't know how I feel right now but I'm not mad.

Strangely, I'm not really sad either.

I think the proper term for right now would have to be hurt.

I'm hurt that she chose to avoid me just because she thought it was best. Even though her heart was telling her to do something else she ignored it.

I should be happy right now.

She finally said what I've been waiting so long to hear,but does she mean it?

Does she really feel the same or am I just a convenience for her again?

I sigh as I clean my face from crying. "Well...I guess we'll just have to wait and see."