𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐂 || jujutsu kaisen x reader

32

❝guess who just got krissed❞

gItChIe😝gItCHiE💃, ya-yA👹, dA-da💅🏼

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boredom is

boring.

and that is what you've learned after staring dissaprovingly at your mother for the past ten minutes.

gojo was out, nanami was busy, the first years' trio were on a mission, the second years are who-knows-where while your mother? trying to persuade you to cut her some bangs.

well, you guys wouldn't have been this bored if yaga would be a less kill joy.

"ne, yaga-sen-"

"no"

your mother gasped, almost offended, "my child has not even finished stating what she was supposed to say!", snapping her scissors as to show the threat behind her statement.

"do not worry, mother" you began, stepping infront of your mother who crouched down as to make you a shield, "i, your lovely offspring, could handle this minor thing" you glared intensely at the man infront of you who stared back, deadpanning.

clearing his throat, "satoru said that you guys are a headache, he really wasn't exaggerating" he continued sewing some of his cursed dolls as satoru would call it.

"god, give me patience"

"shouldn't it be 'god give me strength'?"

"if god gives me more strength, you and your child would've been dead right now"

"oH--"

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guess who just convinced the adults of tokyo jujutsu high to have a drinking party?

"this would bring us all closer before our own kind of dark, astrocious, inevitable DOOM"

"not me for i-"

"yeah, you are the strongest, you don't need to have fun before your doom so you're not invited"

gojo gasped, mouth agape and head turned to you. remaining unbothered, you flipped another page of a notebook infront of the three sane men in the room; masamichi yaga, kiyotaka ijichi, and nanami kento.

"now, where were we?"

"i am aSSERTING MY DOMINANCE. BOW DOWN BEFORE ME PEASANT" surprise, surprise. gojo doesn't change even when he's drunk, he's just an overall egoistic bastard.

his body was positioned in a 'T' pose, pinning the poor quivering ijichi on a corner in the room. who knows if he'll just activate red or something? everyone will be scared of that.

"p-please get that away from me" drunk yaga supported gojo in bullying the sober ijichi, a red colored highlighter on his hand, opened and waiting for a surface to draw on.

"don't worry ijichi" yaga sluggishly replied, immediately being shoved away by gojo, "dO nOT STEAL MY PREY AWAY FROM ME"

"SIRS YOUR BREATHS REEKS OF ALCOHOL PLEASE STOP SCREAMING ON MY FACE" the two ganging up on the poor manager was suddenly facing the ceiling, the albino immediately passing out while mumbling random things incoherently, something about unicorns riding some gold fish while being drowned in the desert.

the school's principal stumbled upward, gaining enough momentum to stand up from the ground, swinging his arms to the terrified ijichi who keeps looking at his hands that pushed the two of the strong sorcerers in the school, muttering about how he'll be fired, removed, beaten up, get incinerated and have his body--

swish

"look ijiji, you have a swoosh of red in your face now!" you giggled along with the raspy chuckling of the principal, slapping his subordinate's shaking back, the red highlighter on his hand.

"s-sir why would you even put highlighter on my face?"

"because you're important, ijichi." the said man softly gasped at the principal's words, staring up at him adoringly, oh he was so lucky to be in this schoo--

bLEUrgHh

"ew! puke!" you laughed loudly at the pale face of ijichi, yaga's body slumped on his, "mommy! can you see this?" you continued to laugh while ijichi dragged the two of them away, having reminded himself that he should be paid enough for this.

"if drugs makes you high and books make you educated... does having drugs while reading a book makes you highly educated?"

you flinched when you turned your head to the side, immediately being greeted by your mother's absent face and blank eyes, breath smelling like the drink the other people in the room had.

"but even if you're highly educated, you'd be actually stupid if you take drugs" a familiar equally confused voice replied to your mother's question. turning to your side, you see the two who was back from the mission, one having an injured head

"gumi! my husband!"

"please don't call me that..." megumi accepted you in his arms, yuji peeking out from behind him and smiling at you

"where's saki-neechan?" you pouted softly, the two flinching slightly before yuji replied, "she's recovering from the mission..."

"ooh! can we visit her?" you looked at megumi expectantly, asking for his permission. "tomorrow. it's time for bed time"

you pouted at his answer, looking at your mother and yuji bickering at the drug plus reading highly educated thing, "mmkay then, should we check on nanami before we go to bed?"

"i'll go on ahead, i'll be putting masumi-san to her room" the salmon haired teen took your mother's arm and slung it over his shoulders, a mouth forming on his cheek

"damn woman, you just gulped down a bottle of vodka and you're drunk? how weak."

you heard sobbing in the distance. turning your gaze from your mother to the other side of the room, the two of you began making your way to the second years; inumaki having his phone out and recording the blonde adult who was slumped in a depressing way on the table.

"what did i... even d-do to deserve this life..." all of you heard nanami clearly over some of the sobs and sniffs, "why is gojo such a headache... all i wanted was to learn jujutsu... why did i got stuck with him" by the end of his not-so-serious rants, he was wailing.

maki held her wheeze out, slapping inumaki on the back while watching him record the usually composed adult.

"nanami-san, are you drunk?" megumi began, watching as nanami raised his head up and stand from his seat, replying confidently, "i am not drunk"

"oh yeah? can you tell the time?"

turning towards the clock on the room, nanami's index finger pointed at the cream colored clock

"I AM NOT FUCKING DRU--"

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