𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 | carlisle cullen (3)

( bella's letter )

Dear Bella

From the moment I met you, I knew you were special. I'm unsure whether Alice ever told you this but she had a vision the day we arrived in Forks, a vision of you. From that point we joked about it, our own secret because we didn't see you implicating our lives in any way. However that day you showed up at Forks and asked me about Edward, I suppose I felt something change.

I won't lie when I say I've held a lot of grudges against you for things not entirely your fault. You can't help who you fall in love with and what happened to you was not your fault. James was vindictive and he never would've left you alone. I always wish to be different and I know you can relate to feeling incomplete in your own heart.

I don't know when it started, that longing that you could be like Edward but I know it took hold of you in a way I wish it hadn't. I want to be better, a better mother who wouldn't speak against her own children. Someone sweet, gentle and kind but even without the corrupting force in my brain I find myself unable to ever be the character that I've so often dreamt of. You are different. For years I've had reservations about who you are and who you want to become but I know now I've been purely selfish. Sometimes I live my life through your eyes Bella and imagine a world where it would be easier for me and Carlisle. Alas, I barely know the definition of the word simple.

I owe everything to what Carlisle made me and I wouldn't change that which is why I understand you better than the others. I should've been on your side from the start, I should've welcomed you into the family with open arms and I never should've looked down on you.

You are still too young Bella and whatever you want to argue in response, you are naive. But I know you are filled with a love and desire that won't slow you from becoming who you dream of being. I hope you find everything that you've been searching for, I hope you're granted your wish. I hope I can stick around long enough to see you truly apart of this beautiful and chaotic family but I don't know how much time I have.

What I do know is that I will always see you as my family, I wish we could've gotten a chance to really be one. I love you and I appreciate you despite the whirlwind that has been the last two years of our lives. You are something I believe this family needed and although I do often dream that things could've been different and you could've got a chance at things being easy, I suppose falling in love with a vampire is never so straight forwards and that's something we can both always understand.

Love, Este