𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 | carlisle cullen (3)

(𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧) emerald silk

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ESTE HAD BEEN IN DEEP THOUGHT FOR A WHILE. She wouldn't say that her mind was open now as she was still finding it impossible to believe Carlisle yet in reality, she knew he was right. She knew because Carlisle was always correct and even when she couldn't trust him, she could still listen to reason.

It hurt her mind to think about, the same pain that had spiked in her brain time and time again when she'd stood in those meetings with Caius. She wondered what he had been doing in those hours when she'd been visibly wincing. Este tried very hard to push those forged opinions to the back of her head, this was impossible. He was embedded too deep inside of her mind.

Somehow she knew that even at the beginning, her own suspicions had been clouded by whatever Caius had forced inside of her brain. She never would've seen them but Este knew herself, she knew her own mind before it had been taken over, before it had been corrupted. She was smart, smarter than most. She would've realised, if given the chance.

Este had believed that understanding her mind would've been some large realisation for her, that she would've been startled, her eyes would bulge and her jaw would fall open. Yet she sat perfectly calm, her hands clasped where the hidden letter had once sat. She was scared of the mistakes she'd made up until this point but she didn't fear Caius, he'd made his own mistakes that littered his life in trails of blood.

She remained very still, waiting for him. Este knew he would come and she knew if he understood her belief that it wouldn't be long until he put an end to all of it. Este wasn't sure what his exact plan was but she was almost certain that it ended in her death. Her mind didn't allow her to make sense of it but as Este thought of Carlisle she knew what was coming for her.

Yet in her head, she had a plan. Este supposed she was often ahead in these situations, always knowing what to do. Heidi had written most of it for her alongside the desperation of Carlisle. Seeing the end of the Volturi would force Caius to put her mind back to normal, it had to. Once they'd gone up in flames, they would have comfort, something they sought a long time ago. It felt like a hundred years.

Este knew she had to pretend that she hadn't figured out anything at all. In fact, this may not even have to be forged. After all, the moment that Caius got into close proximity to her, it would start again. She could sense the signs now, the twinges of pain and the weird fuzziness that spread right to her fingertips. It almost made her feel human.

She supposed she would never be able to fight it. If she could she wouldn't need all the exaggeration of destroying the entire Volturi. Of course there was more behind this than simply her own mentality yet she knew that primarily she wanted her life back. Este may be selfish in this belief, to put herself first. She guessed this was the first time in a while that she could confidently say her actions hid in selfish behaviour.

In those moments when she knew her mind would soon tangle into darkness again, she thought of Carlisle. She thought of his hands and his eyes and his smile, his arms and his lips and his hair. She felt his touch and heard his voice, she held his face and ran her fingers through his hair. It felt real at times before she heard some large door slam in the distance or saw the flickering movement of the candlelight behind her closed eyelids. Then she would feel the isolation in her bones again.

Yet it wasn't long until Caius came for her, she knew it wouldn't be. Este was not scared when she saw the small folded parchment push under the door. She sat just as still as she had been for those hours and listened to the retreating footsteps. She believed him a coward, to not face her in person. Did he know what she was aware of, she guessed not. Este was still breathing after all.