𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 | carlisle cullen (3)

( edward's letter )

Dearest Edward

Edward. I think this is the hardest letter I'm going to write. Or the second because I know I cannot say goodbye to Carlisle but it is hard to say farewell to any of you knowing that while I stand secure in the knowledge that my mind is fraying the others do not.

I know you saw even before I admitted it. I'm sorry I frightened you, I'm sorry I didn't listen but there really was no way to stop this. I know even now when I may be years away. I don't know how long I have. But to you Edward I want to admit that in my wildest anger and darkest days I loved you.

I knew from the moment I met you that things for us would be difficult. I saw the anger in your eyes and knew that life was never as simple as people plan it to be. I would've done anything to protect your family, to save it. I hoped beyond anything that I proved myself to you. You don't necessarily deserve my devotion or my constant desire to ensure you of my love but I would give it to you anyway.

Edward you're such a complex soul that sometimes I don't know what to do with you. I don't think you realise the gravity of words but I know that once I'm gone you'll start looking back at things you said and did to me and tear yourself apart because of it. I'm begging you never to look down upon yourself because of what you said to me.

I'm asking this of you because you don't deserve that either. I never held those things against you Edward because no matter what you showed me, tried to convince me, I saw you. I knew you and I loved you. Edward you're not always who you pretend to be, on the contrary I believe you to be a kind soul with lost opportunities. I wish you all the best Edward and please, don't be hard on yourself. I forgive you, in fact I never even had to think about forgiveness as it was so clear in my mind.

I told you I couldn't take it anymore, that if you wronged me again I would not be able to forgive you. This was a lie. You could've killed me Edward, forgiveness would be in my heart. You are my son, I love and care for you through everything even though it is stupid and reckless.

You didn't do this to my mind. You didn't make it worse you only hurt what was already there but it's ok. I forgive you. Edward, my son, my darling, find all the happiness you deserve

(and please for the love of god, stay out of my mind)

Your mother,
Este