𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 | carlisle cullen (3)

( jasper's letter )

Dear Jasper

Jasper, if life is a chess game I guess I both won and lost. On one hand I got to spend time in the proximity of such greatness, I got to experience love and harmony. I got to understand family more true than I believed anyone could. On the other hand I feel it was all taken away too soon.

It's strange coming into a life of eternity, of beginnings to only see ends. I regret only that I spent too much time worrying over what could've happened rather than appreciating what I had before I didn't have it anymore. I know you're perfectly aware about how much this family means to me but I want to tell you anyway.

I'm so proud of you Jasper. I don't think we place enough admiration into your vigilance when it comes to thirst. You've been so strong over and over again yet you continue to doubt yourself, look down on yourself for mistakes any one of us could've made.

I see things the way you do as I've been in the same place. I know you still blame yourself over what happened to Bella, to Edward and the Volturi. Jasper you never should've carried any of that weight on your own shoulders, it was not yours to bear.

After everything you've been through, what you've seen, what you've been forced to do I know you've come out of it all a better person, a new person. This family has impacted you and I the same and I feel although we never got to speak of it, this drew us closer.

I will never forget that day we played chess, when I knew despite everything that you were ready to welcome me. Whether this was because of Alice or not, I felt loved even when our communication seemed to rely on you beating me at chess. I would be happy to lose to you once more Jasper, just to hear you laugh about it again.

I know you will be alright and I pain to know you will be carrying not only your own emotions but those around you too. I know you understand with the complexity of no other how emotions work. I hope you felt my love when I couldn't say it to you, the care when I was too nervous to call you my son. I hope you understood and I hope you tell them exactly how I felt where I failed. These letters may do the trick but I want to leave behind as much love as I can possibly muster.

As for you Jasper, I want you to know you can always hold onto my love, you can always feel it even when you believe it's not there. Look for it in the stars, I'll give you all the love you deserve.

I love you forever,

Este