𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 | carlisle cullen (3)

(𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧) deep within the dungeon

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THE DUNGEON WAS AS ANYONE WOULD EXPECT, dark and cold. Vampires were notorious for not being able to sense temperatures the way that humans did yet Este still felt as though she had found the ability to shiver as she sat hunched in the corner with her knees pulled up to her chest and Carlisle's sweater wrapped around her, sitting over the emerald silk.

Her feet lay bare, her hair messed up. Estella couldn't see much around her. She could hear soft whines and moans from the dungeon in the depths beyond her vision. Occasionally there was a scream or a shout. Este didn't know how many people were inside, she didn't know how long some of them have been there. Vampires starved into depravity.

She was fortunate to not see her own future stretched out along these walls. Este wanted to hit her head against the stone until it cracked. She wanted it all to be over now, she didn't want it to be slow.

Este pulled up the sweater over her nose so she could feel as though Carlisle was hugging her. Her back pressed uncomfortably against the wall, she started wondering how deep down into the ground they were. She started to realise things she would never see or do again.

At first this started small with the idea of seeing the stars or the moon or feeling the bark of trees. She thought about standing in rivers or driving down empty roads. She thought about fresh sheets and warm baths, about sunrises and scoring home runs in baseball.

Then her mind started to change and she thought about things that made her want to curl up and scream. She thought about playing chess with Jasper, brushing Rosalie's hair or listening to playbacks of football from Emmett, she saw their laughs and their smiles, their arguments and their jokes. She thought of Alice dancing and Edward rolling his eyes, she heard him playing the piano, she saw Alice sketching, she saw her smug smile when she predicted the future or Edward's disgusted gaze whenever he read someone's mind without meaning to.

Above everything she saw Carlisle, she heard him, she felt him, she touched him. Este could feel him around her, the strength of his arms. She felt the softness of his hair and saw the warmth in his eyes. Este saw his eyes when they were dark, when they were light. She heard the smartness of his tone but she also heard his laugh and his sarcasm. She heard the soft voice of questions, things he reserved only for her. She saw him when he was weak, when he was strong. She saw him when he lay his head on her chest or when he picked her up with a smile on his face. She could imagine him kissing her, lightly until the sun set below the hill and then he'd ask for something more. She laughed with him, cried with him and shouted at him but more than anything she loved him, endlessly. Except now, she was unsure of the truth.

Este couldn't stop her mind from hurting her. She saw him opening the letter and in her head, he changed. She'd told him to look after the family but she knew he would never be himself again. He'd be dark, brooding. Somehow he'd manage to blame himself even when there was nothing he could've possibly done.

She closed her eyes again and willed herself to be anywhere else. Este supposed her own mind was torture without Caius, the containment of feeling the end of everything. Her brain ached with the knowledge of her writing, of her letters and her goodbyes. Was it harsh of her to have known for so long that this was going to happen? Did she really try?

Caius' words flew around her mind like feathers, like flower petals. Lost somewhere in the bigger picture but they still turned to hurt her in the most improbable moments. The idea that there was never anything that she could've done. That this was her fate from the beginning and that now he'd submerged himself so deep inside her brain that there was no hope that he could possibly be untangled. It hurt to think about but more than anything it was agony to accept.