Selfish

Selfish- The Prologue ❂

selfish

adjective • self·ish • /'sel-fish\

definition: having or showing concern only for yourself and not for the needs or feelings of other people

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Christopher Maurice Brown ◇

Do you know that feeling when the person you want more than anything doesn't want you or let alone care about you as much as you do them? Nah, I didn't think so. There was a time where I was the one doing the rejecting. The one who didn't care as much about someone else like they did for me and damn, do I feel for her now. I never thought that the day would come where I felt so unneeded. Invalid. Not necessarily important. I give her my heart and my soul - all of me for what? Rejection.. And although she doesn't see me in that way, I will continue to do anything for her because after all, she is my everything.

I remember the day I met her like it was yesterday.

I was giving someone a tattoo at the tattoo shop that I own and work at called Inked where I get to do what I love. Draw while also impacting someone's life by imprinting them with something that will be on them for the rest of their time on Earth. At the moment, I was giving a girl a tattoo on her wrist that had a anchor with the words "I refuse to sink" around it, and it was turning out really good plus the teenaged girl getting it seemed to like it.

"How long you been doing tats?" She asked me.

"About 5 years now. I've liked them since always though. My whole life tattoos were intriguing to me," I replied reminiscing on the times when I was younger imagining my self with sleeves of tats that actually meant something to me.

I'm living that dream now.

"Really? Well, that explains why you're so good at them."

"Yeah, perfection takes time. I always try to perfect everything that I do which is why this," I patted her wrist, "looks so good. You're all done."

"Seriously?" She quickly looked down at her wrist and her jaw dropped as she admired the newly imprinted ink on her brown skin. "It looks amazing!"

"Thanks, this is what I do." I smiled proud of myself just like I am every time I have a satisfied customer. That also happens to be the result with everyone I've ever done business with.

As I begin to close everything and clean things, she hands me the $50 that I told her it was going to cost when she first got here with an additional $50 for a tip.

"Thanks a lot. I appreciate the business."

She headed out and as I finished cleaning things, one of the blue disposable rubber gloves that I used fell to the floor, so, I leaned down to pick it up and god, when I stood straight up again it was like from that moment my life was destined to change.

There she was.

I just looked at her while she awkwardly stared back before saying, "Um, are you still working or are you done for the day?"

I blinked multiple times before replying with, "Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah I'm still working. What are you planning on getting done?"

She twisted her lip up to the the side obviously thinking. " I want something relating to me."

"Well you know you... What relates to you that you'd want on your body?"

"Aren't there certain animals representing the years in China or something like that?"

"Oh yeah, I was born the year of the snake. What year were you born?" I pull out my phone prepared to type it into Google to find out what animal represented her birth year.

" '88" she replies simply.

"Year of the dragon."

"Welp, there you have it. I want a dragon on my right hand." She says and heads to sit in the chair where the person getting something done would sit.

I sigh and head to take everything back out and I put new gloves on.

Before sitting down, I mutter, "Here we go.." before plopping down into the chair to start drawing the dragon.

From that day forward, she became someone who I spoke with on a daily basis and she eventually became someone that I wanted to be with. To that, she disagreed and said we're better off as friends, but one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping with each other and after that I realized how much I actually loved this girl. She wasn't the type of girl to date since she was so closed off to the world it seemed like, so, she never gave me the chance to show her all the good that I could bring to her life and this, too, is the reason why I'm so hurt to this day. The woman I love doesn't want me.

So what happens is we fuck around. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, but she's okay with sleeping with me which makes no sense at all. You can have all of me, but instead you only want me sexually? It's dumb.

The worst part of it all is that I know she wants me. I can see it, but she doesn't want me to know that for some reason. Plus, she fucks other guys, but when girls throw themselves at me she's annoyed and jealous and would freak the fuck out if she found out I was fucking someone else besides her. She cares about her own needs without taking into consideration that I have feelings, too and every single day, I'm breaking more and more because the woman I love is.. selfish.

She is Sarai Nivea Taylor.

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I hope you all enjoy my newest story- Selfish.
-Lani