Selfish

29.) Feelings

Christopher Maurice Brown ◇

I don't know how to feel about what I did last night.

This morning I woke up in Sarai's bed and there's no other reason for that even being possible besides something happening between us.

I left before she got the chance to wake up, and I actually feel bad about it.

I don't know how I feel right now at all because I have Crystal, so I'm looking at myself like- "Bro, what are you doing?" While the other side of me is happy that I did what I did. I sort of felt happy that Sarai still had some sort of feelings for me even though I'm with someone else.

She still wants me and I don't know what to do about it.

Then, there's Crystal.

She's been so good to me and probably thinks I'm like the ideal guy, but after she finds out about last night... I don't know what to expect from her.

I don't know if she's gonna yell, cry, hit me, or just simply leave.

Shit, I don't even know if I wanna tell her.

****

I plop down on my bed and wait for Crystal to come by.

She texted me telling me that she wanted to see me and that she was coming over and I couldn't say no cause I'd be suspicious as fuck since I never say no to spending time with her.

I told her to just come inside since I just felt too drained to stand up and go open the door. I kind of just wanted to stay in bed all day especially since I woke up with a mean ass headache.

My phone rang and it was a phone call from Kid coming in.

"Sup," I answered.

"Wassup, bruh? You disappeared last night. One minute you and Sarai was in the cut having a fucking sex show in the corner then the next y'all was hauling ass out of the club," he said.

I laugh lightly and shake my head just thinking about how fucked up we both probably were last night.

"Man, last night gon cause the death of me," I joke. "I cheated last night."

"What? On that dancer girl?" He asked I guess forgetting Crystal's name.

"Yeah," I shake my head. "And I don't even know if I feel bad about it or not."

"You sound confused, bruh," he said.

"Sound? Nigga I AM confused," I agreed. "I don't know what, or better yet who I want..." I trailed off.

I heard a foot step that didn't sound too far, so I rushed off the phone.

"Imma have to talk to you later," I told Kid.

"Aight, see you," he replied.

I stood up from my bed and just as I stood up, I wanted to slam my head into the freaking wall cause Crystal walked in at the same damn second.

"Who were you on the phone with Chris?" She asked.

"It was uh, just one of my friends. You remember Kid, right?"

She looked at me weirdly and nodded her head. "But I heard what you said.. And I don't understand."

"What are you talking about?" I low key panic. "What'd you hear?"

"You don't know who you want?" She frowns at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I blink a bunch of times before I reply. "I-it means that I'm confused."

"About?" She presses and I sigh because I really wish that she would just let it go. I don't wanna have this conversation right now.

"Crystal... Not right now."

"What, Chris? You can talk to your boy, but you can't be honest with me? Just say it."

I huff and turn away from her before I finally say it.

"Crystal. I-i cheated."

There's a silence for a minute before she finally speaks again.

"You what?"

I really didn't want to repeat myself, but I said it again anyways in the calmest voice I could.

"I cheated," I repeat and finally look at her again.

"What do you mean you cheated? I thought things were good between us... I-i thought we were good."

I kept silent since I didn't know what to say. She probably thought I was the biggest hypocrite around because of this.

"I can't believe you Chris.. You cheated on me with some random hoe and you don't even feel bad about it!" Crystal exclaimed.

"She wasn't just some random hoe."

"So who was it, Chris?" She asked but I didn't even bother answering it cause she figured it out on her own.

☕️☕️☕️
this tea bout good asl lol

but how was the chapter?

how do you think things are going to turn out after this?

next chapter is... idk. a surprise?