Selfish

16.) I Can't

Sarai Nivea Taylor ◆

"I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready," I repeat over and over to myself as I head to Chris' house. He isn't expecting me, but after three days of finally admitting and excepting all of my faults I think that now I could finally admit it to the person who has been waiting for so long for me.

Pulling up to Chris' building I got out of the car rather slowly. I was so nervous and I really couldn't believe that I was about to do this.

I walk into the building and head to the elevator. Waiting for the elevator to come down to the first level seemed to take forever and it made time for me to actually think about what I'm about to do.

Maybe now isn't the right time.. or...  or maybe Chris' friends are over. I wouldn't wanna intrude.

Oh who am I kidding?

If I have to speak with Chris no matter who's there I'm going to speak to him no matter what.

I step off of the elevator as it finally reaches Chris' floor. My heart continued to beat fast as I walked down the empty hallway.

Reaching Chris' apartment door I sigh before doing anything.

Biting down hard on my bottom lip I raise my closed fist and knock on the door.

Nothing.

No shouts from him saying here I come and no answer.

Assuming I didn't knock hard enough I knock again a little bit harder growing even more nervous.

What if he's not here? I might not have this much courage soon and I might even get so scared to the point where Chris will be waiting for an even longer extended period of time. I know he'd be so upset if I made him wait any longer for answers, but if I'm not ready I'm just not ready. You can't rush it.

Taking a deep breath I knock again even louder than before. Chris better be here and he better open this damn door.

Once again, there's no answer and I feel like that was just a waste of time. I'm not that fucked up of a person to tell him everything over a text or a phone call. I could never so it sucks that when I do have enough decency and heart to admit everything to him he's no where to be found. He's not home and I'm not sure where to find him.

"Shit," I huff as I turn abruptly throwing my head back in frustration.

This did not turn out at all as planned.

Without a purpose here any longer I head down the hallway and press the button to bring the elevator to this floor.

This was a fuck up.

Christopher Maurice Brown ◇

"Don't rush me nigga I gotta go get my keys," I reply to Ty's smart remark about me always running late to something.

"How you getting in the house if you don't got ya keys?" He asks me.

"Spare key dumbass," I reply lowly as I walk into the quiet lobby of my building with my phone still to my ear.