Selfish

8.) Unexpected

Sarai Nivea Taylor ◆

I have planned to go to the therapist a lot more often to help me get me through this difficult time easier. In my thoughts all I can think about is how neither of my parents wanted me when I was younger which makes me never want to let go of the one that wants me the most which would be Chris. Hurting him is the last thing I would want to do which is why I can't allow myself to get with him and to always have a guard up thinking he would abandon me like my parents did. It's an ongoing problem that I can't seem to let go of.

Julia figured that out and pretty much just helped me put it into words:

If Chris and I got together I would probably become too attached thinking he would abandon me like others from previous experiences have.

My mind felt like it would have exploded these last two nights thinking about all that's been going on so I thought going out would get my mind off of it.

Wrong.

The events that went on last night did nothing, but cause me to feel guilty about myself.

I did something that probably could never be forgiven and my drunkenness can't even excuse my actions.

I definitely know that Chris needs to and most likely will find out, but honestly... I hope that he doesn't find out anytime soon.

Christopher Maurice Brown ◇

"I'll talk to you later boy. I love you," My mother said to me.

"Love you too ma," I responded then hung up the phone.

I threw my phone beside me on my bed letting my mind drift.

So my mama says she saw Sarai and my nigga Ty together? I can't help but wonder what went on last night causing them to be out the next morning together. I just really hope they didn't do what I think they did.

****

"Nigga please," Crystal waved me off while I continued to try making her laugh.

I pulled a goofy ass face making her crack and just bust into a fit of laughter. She cupped my face in her hands and while trying to keep a straight face said, "Please don't ever- and I seriously mean ever- make that damn face again," then she started laughing again.

I laughed with her and said, "Man, I told you I could make you laugh. Don't sleep on me."

"Don't worry. Now I know that you're a damn clown."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'll take that over being a loser lacking a sense of humor any day."

"I'm sure. But don't confuse yourself. You'll never be funnier than me." She boasted herself.

"Ion see no competition any where," I looked from left to right around us then stopped to shake my head.

Crystal slapped my shoulder with her mouth open in shock or maybe offense. "So I'm invisible now?"

"Am I hearing things or what?" I said to myself still ignoring her presence.

"Chris!" She frowned at me.

"Alright, alright I'm just kidding."

I ended up with her tonight since after work I texted her asking did she wanna hang out for a little while so now we're at a park in town just joking around pretty much.

We sat in silence for a while just enjoying the night. It's pretty late, but I don't mind being out around this time since it's usually nice and cool outside late at night during the summer and I also seem to like being out at night time.

After a few more minutes sitting in a comfortable silence Crystal asked me an unexpected question.

"So how was your last relationship?" She turned towards me with a face exemplifying obvious curiosity.

"My last relationship?" She nodded her head causing me to sigh. "It was more of me wanting her and getting rejected constantly rather than a relationship."

"Someone rejected you?" Her eyes got big and she raised an eyebrow. "Is she blind?"

I chuckled and replied with, "Nah. Why would she be?"

"Okay I guess if you haven't looked in the mirror lately." She shook her head. "You're way too attractive to be passed up and I know appearance doesn't define a person, but based off of the short time we have been speaking you haven't given me a reason to think that you'd do something that would make anyone be stand off-ish towards you."

I smiled and thanked her for the compliment. "Yeah.. It wasn't really me necessarily. I was just in love tough while she wouldn't allow herself to express what she felt to me. Her excuse each time is that she'd hurt me, but I don't get why she won't just take the risk like I'm willing to. All I wanted was for her to be mine." I paused. "She didn't want me though.'

Crystal placed a hand on my shoulder for comfort. "Well she doesn't know what she's missing out on to hurt a guy like you. And I just wanna say that I like that you actually express yourself. Most guys don't because they think it makes them 'soft'," she put her fingers up air-quoting soft. "It's stupid and I really like a guy who doesn't mind letting his feelings out."

"It's not even that I'm soft. It's the fact that she made me so weak for her. So in love that I started lacking self-confidence thinking there was something wrong with me when in reality she's the one with problems. She's the one who keeps herself closed off from how she actually feels."

She nodded her head in understanding and asked, "So do you still talk to her or..?" She trailed off.

"Well we kinda had a blow out on Sunday. But-"

"Sunday? We were together on Sunday."

"Yeah Sunday night, but I saw her in the afternoon. I contacted you afterwards to get my mind off of it. To try something new," I informed her.

"Are you liking the change?" She asked looking at me over her left shoulder while holding my hand that was now placed on her right shoulder.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "I like the change. I like you."

She smiled and gave me a small shrug. "I mean... What's not to like?"

We both laughed and she redeemed herself. "Nah, I'm just kidding. But I like you too Chris."

****

After a little while longer with Crystal she decided it was time for her to get home, so we parted ways and I headed home.

I went up the elevator once I got into the building and headed to the door to my apartment. While I was walking down the hall way I saw an unexpected visitor.

I sighed and stopped in my travels. Closing my eyes I said aloud, "What are you doing here?"

Who do you think is at the door? (your guess is most likely right 😛)

How do you feel about Crystal?

What do you think Sarai feels so guilty about?