Selfish

6.) A Start

Sarai Nivea Taylor ◆

After she excused herself from the patient that she was working with she came to me just as I plopped down into the chair right next to the door beginning to sob holding my head in my hands.

I can't handle this.

Julia held onto my wrists as I cried trying to pry my hands from covering my face. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I'm hurting him," I cried. "And I know it which is the bad part. I love him I really do, but my personal problems won't let me open up to him and express the love I have to him."

"Well you have me to let your problems out to am I right?"

I sniffled nodding my head, "Yes which is why I'm here. To get it out."

Julia stood to her feet and held her hand out to me to help me stand up. "Well don't cry okay? Now's the time to let it out, but don't do it with tears. That is a sign of weakness which I know you are far from."

I nodded my head and stood up.

She turned to the patient who's appointment I interfered with and said, "Asia we're going to have to finish this next time alright? I know you should have another half hour, but this is an emergency. Can you go call your mom and let her know?"

The young teenaged looking girl looked towards me eyeing me up and down before nodding her head and leaving out the door with the lady from the front desk that followed me back here.

Once she walked out the door Julia sat down at her desk motioning for me to sit in front of her so I did.

"So what do you think started all of the problems with this guy that loves you so much?" She asked me as she took out a notebook.

"His name's Chris and I don't think, I KNOW it started with everything that went on in my childhood."

Skimming over her notes from our previous session she replied, "Well we left off with you speaking about your father and how he left you behind with your aunt to be on his own am I right?"

I nodded my head in response to her question and continued on with my story.

"Well, like I was saying the last time I was here, my father moved to a completely different state with no money, no job, nothing and he allowed my grandmother to take care of him like a deadbeat. His excuse for not taking me with him was that money was tight, but that's false. I know it is because my grandmother would give my father anything he needed for stability especially since she had such a great job."

"What did she have a career in?" she asked me.

"My grandmother worked in two different hospitals as a nurse practitioner."

Julia nodded her head and motioned her hand for me to continue.

"Alright, so since she had a good job if my father wanted me she would have made sure that he had everything he needed to be sure to take care of me easily. The reason that the possibility of that happening was never put to action was because my father never had plans on taking care of me or having me. He could have been just been a single dad. I mean there are lots of them out there but I guess he just didn't have the heart for it."

Skimming her notes first Julia asked me, "So you're disappointed that your father didn't decide to take you with him when he moved?"

I nodded my head yes. "Yes, I am disappointed. If he really wanted me like he made it seem when he was around me, he would have did whatever he could have to make sure that he had me no matter what. He didn't do this so how do you think this makes me feel?" I frowned feeling my eyes swell with tears. "He abandoned me. Just like my mother did. They didn't want me which makes me attached with whoever brings good to my life. Chris brings nothing but good things into my life which is why he can't go anywhere. I can't lose him, too."