Anyway when it's time to head out, or as Alan's bitch ass puts it when I fucking spent enough of his money, Alan opens a small portal in the middle of the bar to the edge of Morothoth's land and we step though and then portal closes behind us with a stupid-ass pop his portals always make and I fucking glare at him. "When the fuck are you going to teach me how to do that shit?!"
"Hahaha, when you promise not to use it for bad things." He says in his smart-ass tone when he points at me like I'm a fucking kid. "And I consider stealing booze a bad thing!"
"No it's fucking not!" After giving him the finger, my perfect eyes looks around, while I try to remember the last fucking time I was this fucking sober here. "Now where the fuck is dragon face's hovel again?!" After ass hat points the way, we start walking towards the center of dragon face's land and it's a beautiful day and the birds are chirping and the trees are singing and some say hi to my amazing and the grass hugs my leg in excitement when I walk through it because it knows I'm that fucking great then I give a warm hello to the sun and I do a graceful and sexy twirl in the meadow being all happy and shit then the tranquility is broken by the screech of a large fucking creature in the sky and the fucking ground shakes as his bad-ass lands in front of us. He's a fucking powerful and wicked cool dragon! Just over two hundred feet from his fucking smoking nose to the end of his body and his bad ass clubbed tail extends another one hundred fifty feet with flaming wings as long as its fucking body and scales of lava and horns sticking out all over his knotty fucking head and his gaping mouth opens as he lets out a wicked awesome roar that makes my gorgeous wheat hair lose some fucking seeds from the force!
After an adorable eye roll, I wave my hand in front of my beautiful face and I scrunch my super cute nose. "Fucking decaying corpse of Skunkerious the Odorous your breath fucking stinks you fucking showoff!"
"Hahaha! You know I do enjoy making a grand entrance." Dragon-face snarks "I appreciate you noticing the smell of brimstone on my breath, though I find it more pleasing than you it seems." He slowly shrinks into the form you see next to my awesome with a shit-eating grin on his dragon face "Welcome my good friends! I am beyond happy you both made it. Alan, it has been many months. It pleases me to see you. Rina, I put a powerful locking spell on my liquor cabinet just for you!"
I snarl at his punk-ass then smile big and run over and give him a big hug and my awesome starts to smolder a little. "I missed you asshole!" My amazing takes a step back and I shed my smoldering grass and turn into a much, much hotter fucking version of myself, if that was even fucking possible, with curves better than Kadlin's and pixie cut of the softest emerald grass and very light and hypnotic green eyes.
"So," Morothoth says with a happy fucking grin "you two are the first ones here. That means it's time for us proceed to my domicile and get this thing started."
I squeak in excitement. "That's why I fucking love my big magma dragon softy!" I wink at him all cute like and Alan's smart-ass rolls his fucking eyes and we all start walking to Morothoth's shack and we talk about random shit like the Seraph and Alan fucking showing off again and shit like that and the sun starts to lower in the sky as we reach his hovel and I huff cause it's a rickety and small-ass building not much bigger than a shit shed and dragon-face goes to the door and opens it and motions us to enter and of course we fucking listen to dragon-face and after we get inside we both stop and fucking gasp at the beauty.
The ceiling is a fucking giant half geode of citrine maybe like two hundred feet from one end to the other with six fucking huge crystals gutting out acting as pillars embedded into the solid onyx floor and the walls are made out of sodalite, the light blue shit not the dark blue shit, and a river of lava pours out all fucking cool like from the wall on the left side like a bad ass waterfall making a river that flows around the back edge of the large ass room and exiting through a hole in the fucking floor and we pass many nice marble tables and chairs and shit like that as we walk through his cool ass main hall and look at all the kick ass food he set out for his guests when I notice the eight foot diameter cask of beer and I pause then run up to the cask and hug it almost as hard as I hugged dragon-face.
"You are a strange one Rina." Remarks Morothoth's punk-ass as he looks to the smart-ass. "Why do we always bring her to parties?"
"We?!" Alan's diarrhea mouth says like he's fucking confused and shit. "I thought she was with you! You are the one who saved her from Simu and brought her into the group. And she never winks at me when she sees me!"
Dragon face lets out one of his signature jolly ass laughs. "I suppose you are right. While a bit rough around the edges, she is a very entertaining entity. I have lived at least four hundred seventy millennia and she is perhaps the most colorful creature know to me." He rubs his chin causing sparks to fly and I turn back to them with a big and very fucking cute grin. Morothoth chuckles looking at my amazing. "You do know that isn't just for you young one don't you?"
"Ha. Ha. Ha." I say all sarcastic like. "Very fucking funny smart-ass and I know it's only half mine and I know how to fucking share!" I smirk then run over to the main table and hop onto my special fucking chair next to Morothoth's small mound of bling and Alan strolls over and sits his ass down in a chair next to me cause my amazing needs to be in the fucking center of everything then Morothoth walks up to the hookah in the center of the table and packs a big fucking bowl of his top shelf shit he got from the gnomes and shit and then lights it with a small puff of fire breath as he grabs one of the smoking sticks and both Alan and I grab one as Morothoth sits down on his gold pile like a boss and once the hookah is good and going and shit we all suck on it at the same time and three cool fucking snakes of colorful smoke travel through the air from the hole on the fucking hookah to our smoking sticks as we all take a long and awesome drag.
"This is good shit Morothoth!" I say while giving my amazing body time to absorb the fucking smoke then I exhale all sexy like. "Where did you get..."
My amazing is interrupted by the door opening and a huge beast lumbers through and he takes his slow-ass time getting to the table and he has a silly-ass grin on his tusk face and he doesn't fucking say anything as he sits down at the table on the other side of Morothoth and I swear the ground fucking shakes when his fat-ass sits down and Morothoth looks over with his toothy grin. "Well met mighty Thrack. I am pleased you could make it my good friend!"
Tusk-face does what I think was supposed to be a fucking smile behind those pointy fucking things coming off his face. "The pleasure is all mine. Much time has passed since our crew was together. This shall be a celebration indeed." He reaches into his big fucking robes starts to pull out some shit.
"What the fuck tusk-face?! Don't whip out your stubby troll fuck stick at the table!" my amazing shouts causing Alan to cough up some smoke and that causes me to laugh all cute like." I see you have not gained any maturity. Alas, I cannot say I am surprised." his ass says in a snooty fucking tone and I stick my tongue out at him and it gives him the finger then he pulls out a simple bottle made of quartz with the letter H etched in the bottle and a stopper made of garnet and and he sets the shit on the table. "A gift for our reunion."
My jaw fucking drops and I point at the amazing fucking shit. "I-i-is t-t-that Helquila?"
"Oh yes young one." Tusk-face says while giving me a cocky fucking look. "This splendid bottle is a gift from Hel herself to say thank you for my aid with the whole Nidhogg in Paris incident. A fitting gift for our reunion. We cannot open this yet though. It doesn't feel right opening it until Kadlin is here."
"Fucking fuck that cunt and pop that shit open now so I can try some cause it's last of the Norse brews I haven't fucking tried and I nneeeeeeeeedddddd to try it!" I give Thrack my best anime eyes andI quiver my lip all cute like. "I will be really fucking nice to you for the rest of this hour if you do my favorite troll ever."
He shakes his head when he looks at me ."We shall wait a bit longer for her. If her arrival is late, then we shall open it."
"Ugh! Fine! But that shit better be pure." Disappointed as shit my amazing grumbles a lot and other guests start to show up and shit.
The next few hours is kinda a fucking blur but I kinda remember tusk-face finally opening the amazing ass bottle of Helquila and the cask being fucking tapped and a crabman puking in the lava making the whole fucking place stink and my awesomeness getting hit on by a Gaia damned water elemental and lots of snakes of smoke whizzing through the air and my incredible spending some time in the fucking amazing gincuzzi and I might of fallen over once or twice and I think Kadlin perfect-ass showed up...
YOU ARE READING
Mercenaries of the Gods: Chronicle One - Stories
FantasíaHey, you. Yes, you! The Seer's been looking for you. It's got some things to show you. Crazy things. Strange things. Important things. In this visit to the Seer, you'll read three stories. Well, three stories and a booklet, but no one reads the book...
