Mercenaries of the Gods: Chronicle One - Stories

Unusual Trial Defense

Oh yeah! My fucking awesomeness was at the table drinking down the yummy ass wine that mister dragon butt tried to fucking keep me away from but fucking couldn't cause I am just that perfect and Morothoth and tusk face both examined the confused ass Seraph like he was some fucking science experiment and the stupid angel thingy said some shit about a boring old battle and guarding and some other shit I wasn't paying attention to that much cause I was looking at slutty who was all depressed and shit cause her fucking man was arrested again and pissed off a bitchy dragon Goddess so I try and cheer her slut ass up. "Cheer up perky tits cause you know he'll be out soon and you two assholes can go back to not fucking and I'm fucking glad this shit went down cause you brought those stupid ass Seraphs here and I got to get my motherfucking kill on!" 

Slutty smiles a bit and gives me her 'you're a fucking smart ass' look as Thrack puts his big ass hand on Zaidu's small ass head and we both look over to see if he was going to snap his fucking head off or crush it like a fucking grape or some cool shit like that but he disappoints us by fucking talking. "Remain calm Zaidu. There is something I need to do. You may feel a slight discomfort." If you didn't know that's troll for this is going to fucking hurt a fucking metric fuckton and Thrack's other hand starts to glow all bright white and shit then he fucking shoves his massive paw into the chest of the winged ass hat causing his pussy ass to scream like a little punk bitch and gets a fucking strange look on his face and I drink more kick ass wine and Thrack fucking yanks his hand out sending the Seraph onto the floor and Thrack stands there with some fucking glowing orange ball of crazy ass energy in his hand and we all look at the shit and think what the fuck as I take another sip of the good ass wine that's almost as sweet as my amazing. 

Tusk face speaks to Zaidu in the 'I'm fucking smarter than everyone else' way he always fucking does. "Tiamat wove this into your essence. Fortunately, my proficiency in essence weaving is very high and I was able to remove it with little damage to your essence." His crazy ass eyes start looking around. "Something to put this in is needed." Trying to be helpful I chug the rest of the wine like a mother fucking champ and slam the empty bottle on the table and Thrack says it will not fucking work and I say yes it fucking will and he says it won't cause it needs to be fucking made of something stronger than weak ass glass so trying to help I hurry my sexy ass over to the fucking awesome bottle of Helquila left over for the fucking rager and pop the top and fucking chug what little is left and it's still so fucking amazing and I set the empty down on the table and Thrack is happy with my amazing ass idea and puts the essence that somehow looks fucking pissed off in the bottle and tosses it to me and I get fucking confused cause I mean I like bottles and shit but only if my amazing can fucking drink what's in it. 

"Thrack my dear friend." says dragon face while he looks at tusk face all concerned and shit. "Was your aim off? You just threw a sliver of a dragon Goddess' core being to Rina." 

Thrack give him a stupid ass grin and pisses me the fuck off when is bitch ass says "My aim was correct friend. Most would not expect us to entrust such an object due to her nature. That fact exactly what I am counting on." 

"What the fuck do you mean by my nature you puss shitting pig fucker?!" I shout at his bitch ass. "You know I am very fucking responsible with anything in a bottle even if I can't fucking drink it!" 

All pissed off and shit I go back and grab another kick ass bottle of wine as pig fucker starts to talk to the pussy on the fucking floor telling him about how the crazy bitch Tiamat did some shit and twisted a part of her essence with his using some really old ass technique invented by the dragons so it's really fucking hard to find and the only reason Morothoth fucking saw it was because he is a baaaaadd ass mother fucker and can see other dragons shit easy and the Seraph got all whiny like a pussy bitch and was all like 'why me' and shit so Mororthoth dropped some hardcore wisdom on his bitch ass. "She chose you for the same reason Rina has it now; no one would look for such a thing within you. Assuming what you told me is correct, she probably did the weaving when you recovered from that battle several years ago. That must be why she made you a guard rather than fodder. While vile, Tiamat is quite cunning."