Dear Leila | COMPLETED

SIMULA

dirleylasimula

What's the feeling of living a perfect life?

That's the question I always wondered about since I was young . I remember my younger self asking that question time and time again because what I have is the total opposite of it.

A messy and flawed life. Very much far from how I describe a perfect life.

Because for me…

Living a perfect life is like watching a flower bloom. Nothing but beauty.

When everything shines like a star. Seems like things are always getting better.

When waves of problems have calmed. No tears, worries, and struggles.

When your heart is at peace just like a sunset. A stress free life

And when the light of the Moon appeared in the middle of the night.
Symbolizing hope and courage to continue despite a glimpse of darkness..

Unfortunately I am one of those who have been living in that glimpse for so long…… and still finding ways to escape and find the light.

Still.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!..."

Just like an ordinary birthday celebration my classmates sing a birthday song to me as I celebrate my eighteenth birthday. But their tune was too slow, which makes it sound like a lullaby. Add the fact that I feel weird everytime I hear a birthday song dedicated to me.

It was cringey.

Especially when my classmates started to give their birthday messages that were scripted and sounded so fake. Because who would give a good wish to the most hated girl on campus? Not because I am a nerd, loner and peculiar student but because I am Marian Leila Angeles.

Unfiltered.

Masungit.

Unapproachable

Maarte

Mataas ang standard.

"Happy birthday Leila!" bati sa akin ni– hindi ko kilala. Meron talaga akong ugali na makalimutan ang pangalan ng mga tao at kilala ko lang sila sa mukha.

"Happy Birthday Leila. More birthdays to come" bati na naman sa akin ng isang estudyante habang naglalakad ako papunta sa school canteen. Half day pa lang pero pagod na pagod na ako.

I'm tired of saying thank you to those who don't even deserve it. Kung makabati sila ng Happy Birthday e parang may ambag sila sa buhay ko. E wala naman!

After I ordered my food ay hindi ko na kinailangan pang humanap ng lamesa kung saan ako kakain dahil mayroon ng lamesa na nakatalaga para sa akin. Let's just say I owned that spot kahit walang nakasulat na pangalan ko roon.

Tahimik ako habang kumakain ng may biglang dumaan sa likod ko. Hindi ko na sana ito papansinin but I heard her greeting me.

"Happy Birthday!" narinig ko na sabi ng babae sa likuran ko. I was about to look at her para mag thank you when a guy spoke.

"Thank you" sabi nito. I bit my lip. Mabuti na lang hindi ako kaagad nagsalita kundi ay mapapahiya ako. Wala namang nakapansin niyon kaya ipinagpatuloy ko na lang ang pagkain ko.

Pagkatapos kong kumain ay pumunta naman ako sa locker room para kunin ang PE uniform ko. Ngayong hapon kasi ay maglalaro kami ng volleyball para sa PE class namin.

Habang naglalakad sa hallway ng school ay marami pa ring bumabati sa akin– hindi ko na nasasagot ang iba dahil hindi ko naman sila kilala.
Pagkarating ko sa tapat ng aking locker room ay napatigil ako ng makitang may nakadikit na note doon. I sigh deeply because I was expecting that it might be a birthday greeting again.