byler oneshots

13 - parties and panic attacks

*fall of freshman year*
*mike + will are together - haven't come out*
*will pov*

"Will, you have to come! Everyone is going." Dustin says, practically on his knees pleading. Tonight is the big homecoming party, and Dustin had been bugging me nonstop about going. The only reason I don't want to go is because social settings give me really bad panic attacks, and none of my friends know that I was diagnosed with anxiety a few months ago.

"Is Mike going?" I ask, trying not to be obvious of our secret relationship.

"Yup. Now will you go?" he teases.

"Fine, I'll go. Who's driving?" I ask, knowing none of us have our license yet.

"Nancy said she would since she's going anyway. She's picking us up around eight." Dustin says as we bike up to my house.

"Okay." I groan, waving goodbye and slamming the door when I get inside.

"Hey, honey. What's wrong?" my mom asks.

"Dustin is making me go to this stupid homecoming party later." I groan.

"A party? Are you gonna be okay with that many people around?" my mom asks.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. My anxiety had been a lot better." I say, lying right through my teeth.

My anxiety had actually been really bad lately. It's really nerve racking having to keep me and Mike's relationship a secret, but there is also a thrill to it.

I dig through my drawers and find my favorite pair of green corduroy jeans, a brown sweater, and converse and slip them on, examining myself in the mirror.

I try to ease my nerves by listening to music, but they're so bad that I can't even eat dinner with my mom, so I just tell her I'm not hungry.

I'm listening to The Beatles when I hear a car honk twice from outside, and I look out to see the Wheeler's car sitting in my driveway.

I check myself once more in the mirror before running out of my room and out the door. When I get in the car, everyone is stuffed in, so Mike and I get sent to the trunk where we usually sit when the whole party is in the car.

"Are you guys excited? This is our first party!" Lucas says enthusiastically.

"Yeah." I choke out, everyone else doing the same. I guess Mike can tell that I am uncomfortable, because he sets his hand on top of mine and squeezes it tightly in his.

'You okay?' he mouths to me.

I nod my head in return and he smiles wide, kissing my hand quickly as I feel myself blush. When we finally get to Chrissy Cunningham's house, it is bigger and more beautiful then I could have imagined. The house is probably the size of five of my houses combined, and the architecture looks like a castle. The front door is open, and I as I step out of the car, I see lights in every window of the house and I can hear the loud music from here.

"Have fun, but be careful you guys. If you need me, come get me." Nancy says, walking into the party.

I nervously walk side by side with Mike, and immediately Lucas gets drawn into the group of basketball guys playing beer pong. Mike and I watch for a while and dance for a few minutes before a big senior approaches us.

"Hey guys! Come play truth or dare with us!" some guy yells, pulling us towards a group sitting on the floor with red cups full of beer.

"Guys, should we really play this?" I ask nervously.

"Come on, Will. Don't be a baby." Max says. I sit down next to Mike and my hands shake as more and more people gather around.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" the guy taunts.

"Hmmm...how about...you!" he says, pointing right at me. A few cheers come from Dustin as I feel myself begin to shake even more. 

"Truth or dare?" he asks.

"T - truth." I stutter.

"Do you have a crush on someone playing right now?" he asks. I can feel my face turn red and tears begin to burn my eyes, but I swallow them back.

"Uhm - yes." I say shamefully.

"Ooo who is it?!" he squeals.

"Tell us!" another person yells.

"Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!" people begin to chant. I can feel myself begin to become weak as I stand up and run through the house, opening every door in hopes to find a bathroom.

I finally run upstairs where only a few people linger, and open a door to find a large bathroom. I quickly go in and lock the door behind me, sliding my back down the door and bringing my knees up to my chest. I hug my knees tightly and bury my face in my knees, crying as quietly as I can.

My whole body continues to shake, and I try to breathe, but all the commotion and noise coming from downstairs isn't helping me calm down. I continue to cry, but a few minutes later I hear a knock on the door.

"Someone's in here." I cry.

"Will? It's Mike. Are you okay?" he asks. I instantly feel myself calm down at the sound of his voice. I stumble off the floor and open the door, Mike's face dropping when he sees how upset I am. He quickly shuts and locks the door before wrapping his arms tightly around me.

"Will, what's wrong?!" he asks into my shoulder.

"I - I need to tell you something." I say, collapsing back onto the floor. He immediately falls on the floor with me, wrapping his arms around my thin body and pulling me into his lap. I lay my head on his chest and cry, working up the courage to tell him.

"It's just that - I - I got diagnosed with anxiety a few months ago. I think I just had a panic attack." I say, my head still buried in his chest.

"Oh, Will. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" he asks.

"I didn't want you to think I'm pathetic." I cry.

"I could never, ever think that, Will. I'm so sorry that you've been going through this alone. Do you wanna go home?" he asks, kissing my head.

"Yeah, but Nancy probably doesn't wanna leave yet." I say.

"I'll tell her it's an emergency and that she can come back later. You're more important to us then any stupid homecoming party." Mike says. I lift my head up and press my lips to his, kissing him softly.

"Thank you, Mike."