the light in his dark

Part 16

"Come on man it's been 5 days. You're a mess" Travis tells me as i finish my drink

"fuck off" i mumble in my glass before getting another one. I didn't hear from her since she lefts my house. It's killing me that i don't know if she's okay or not. I clearly don't want to see her with another man

"James come on. You drink all the time. At work and at you house. Your killing yourelf" Travis take a seat infront of my desk

"don't care" i tell him after finishing my drink and going for another

He sighs and shakes his head. He leaves and close the door. I get up and throw my glass on the door while screaming. I can't take it. I just can't

I miss her more than anything i missed before. Her laughs or the way she smiled at me. The way she looked or touched me like nobody did. It made me feel so fucking good and now i lost it

I won't say i regret what i've done to this motherfucker but i regret the consequence. I hurt Wendy because of it.

I love her and i didn't tell her. I wanted but i just didn't. I think that the fact she can possibly love me back was impossible for me to imagine. How a such sweet girl can love me ? With what i did to her ex she saw who i really am so now i'm sure she can't love me

I drive past her appartment everyday going to work and going home after work just to maybe see her. It's a more long ride to my work if i past by her appartment but i don't give a shit. Everything is worth to threw away if i can just see her 2 seconds. Even the gaz

I get out of my office because i have a meeting and i'm already late. I walk to the meeting room to see 9 men waiting outside for me. I nod at them before opening the door and let them walk in first.

After closing the door i walk to the edge of the table and signal them to start. I don't even listen. It's friday and Wendy gives class tonight. I hop she finishs her choregraphy. I know she was anxious about that and i want to threw away all her worries

We keep the meeting for 2 hours before closing it. I eventually had to talk and listen. When i finish salute the men i decide to quite my day and going home

She gives a class right now so she's not at her appartment. I hesitate to go and wait infront of where she is right now even if that would be weird but i don't do it.

I want to know if she smiles or if she cries. I want to know if she's happy without me or sad but at the same time i don't want. Seeing her happy without me would hurt me and seeing her sad without me would hurt me too

When i get to my house, i don't see the cars park outside. And when i get into my house i don't see either the coat hanging on the wall and the 3 pairs of shoes on the floor. But when i enter in my living room i see 3 men in my couch with a beer

"what the fuck are you doing here" i sigh and go grab a scotch

"come on James, Travis told us what happened and what is happening to you" Fred says while i walk to the couch

"you can't do that" Sam says to me.

Sam is my cousin. Is dad and mine are not in a good term but him and i grew up like brothers.

"i don't give a shit okay" i says as i put my feet on the small table infront the couch

"James if you want her back you need to pull yourself together" Travis says as he sit on the small table

"get her back ? are you fucking kidding me ?" i scoff "you didn't see the way she looked at me. It's like she was scared and at the same time relieve that i killed him. It broke me the way she was looking at me. And i'll do anything to change that. I want to be sure she never feels that again"