the light in his dark

Part 18

I turn the door handle and it opens. 

I breath a few second before coming in. I hold my breath as i step inside and close the door carefully. I stop and listen trying to understand in which room he is. I realize it's really dark in his house. The windows are hidden by shutters and I see a broken window in his living room

As i hear foot step uptaires i let out my breath and start walking upstaires. I walk carefully the staires until i'm infront of his bedroom door. I hear him on the other side of the door mumbling. 

I guess he's on a phone call so i just wait here, praying for him to not open the door. 

After a few minutes of waiting i don't hear him anymore so i decide to walk inside. His back face me and i don't think he heard me until i close the door 

He turns around rapidly and freeze when he sees me. He has a drink in his hand and i'm pretty sure it's not his first. He looks at me up and down licking his lips and then he takes a breath and turn around again 

As if he wanted me but couldn't

"what are you doing here ?" He mumbles while finishing his drink before turning to me again. I look at his hands and his fingers are caressing the top of his glass.

"I'm sorry" i whisper and he looks up at me because he didn't expect me to say it. 

"why are you sorry wendy ?" he's cold. He was never like that with me. He was all the time with other people but with me never. It make me want to cry the fact that i hurt him enough for him to look at me like that

"I know i hurt you but i-" i take a breath for not letting my tears fall down but i failed. I feel the salty of my tears in my mouth as i open it again to speak "i didn't want to leave but i didn't know what to do. Maybe We would have done better to talk but I was scared" 

His face softens a little but he's still distant "why were you scared ? You think i could to that to you ? killing you like i did to him ?" He's drunk. I know that. By his face and his voice and the way he looks at me. I prefer thinking it's because of the scotch he looks at me like that and not because of me

"i don't know i-" i take a breath "What did you want me to think or do ? You told me you killed someone" i'm still crying

"Wendy i would never do anything who'll hurt you. I want to do everything for you" his voice is more soft than before 

"James i love you" i cry more "i love you and i get scared to love a man who could leaves me" 

he takes a step forward "you think i'll leave you ?" his face is like before. His eyes look at me like before. Like i'm the only one. Like if i didn't leave

"if you get caught then you'll go to prison. It means leaving me and i can't do that again. Every men i loved leaves me and i get scared you'll do it too" i sob as he walks to me and wraps his arms around me

A feeling i missed more than any others feeling. Feeling safe in him. Feeling his warm body against my cold and wet body from the rain. Feeling his kisses in my head. I missed him

"i won't get caught. Like i told you before, I have money and contact. I won't go there" he kisses the top of my head "it wasn"t you who had to apologize baby. I understand why you leaved. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at me. You didn't do anything" he looks down at me while i have my head on his chest

"and i love you too wendy"

I lift my head and look at him. Eyes full of tears and i let out a sob with a smile. He brings his lips closer to mine while looking in my eyes.