the light in his dark

Part 59

''Are you ready ?''

I look out the window as James squeezes my thigh one time giving me his strength by doing that

I know he waits for me to go out of the car first but I'm kinda hoping he does it first. When I'm scared of doing something or if I just don't have the strength to do it it's James who takes the first step and knowing that he is one step before me kinda help me

I close my eyes and look away from the window. My eyes meet James's when I open them again and he gives me one of his reassuring smile ''take all the time you need, Wendy''

I nod and look back at where I was looking through the window. Those places always make me uncomfortable. I think it's crazy because we can say that those places are empty even if technically they're not.

Being uncomfortable when I know there's no one around but James and me make me feel like I'm crazy and again technically we aren't totally alone

''Can you come with me ?'' I ask whispering

''Of course baby. I'll come if you want me to come and if when we are there you want me to take some steps back to let you some privacy just ask me and I'll do it'' he says kissing my hand

I turn to look at him and smile ''thank you'' i say quietly. I cup his cheeks and kiss him softly on his lips. He gives me back my kiss and kiss one last time my forehead before pulling away

He puts some of my hairs behind my ear as his eyes travel around my face in a way I love so much

In a way who tell me he loves me or that he find me pretty. In a way where his eyes devour my face and my body and my soul as if I was his first meal of the day

I always love when he looks at me with so much love in his eyes, with more love than I've never seen anywhere else. With more love in his eyes than anyone has ever looked at me before

He opens his door and steps out of the car. I watch him going out and closing the door before learning onto his car waiting for me

I look back out of the window before taking a breath and opening the door. James turns around and nods his head one time asking me if I'm ready one more time

I give him a small smile and right after that he extends his arm above his car and I walk around it to grab his hand like he asks me to

We walk hand in hand through the alley. The flowers around us make the place prettier than we can thought. The gradient of the different colors of the flowers bring a little more life to this morbid place

I stop in my steps when we finally reach what we came for. Reading his name make me shiver from my toes to the top of my head. I never thought I'll be here and see his name on this marble slab

James must have feels it because right after he rests his hand on my lower back, remembering me that he is behind me if I need to

It's crazy how three names that I didn't know months ago can make me feel so uncomfortable but so curious at the same times. I never read them before. I only heard people calling their name, I don't even remember if I once called their name

I probably did but I don't really remember this specific week of my life

I feel James's eyes on my back ''I don't know what to do'' i whisper

''You don't need to do anything. You can just stand there and say nothing, it's up to you baby. You don't own him anything. You are here because you need it not him so do what you need to do and if it's nothing then it's nothing'' he says wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder