Stories in the Saiki K Universe

The Disastrous (Love) Life of Saiki K

My name is KUSUO SAIKI, and I'm a psychic. For the past six months, I've taken every step imaginable to avoid dating. It's been more annoying than Kaidou speaking in the Okinawan dialect. If it's not Teruhashi trying to get her hooks in me with her endless schemes, it's Aiura showing up at my house and getting naked in my bed. In case you're wondering -- yes -- I asked my mom to wash the sheets after that. But now it's time for me to admit defeat, or at least that's what I want everyone to believe.... 

AIURA
(running down the walkway from PK academy)
Hey, Kusuo! Wait up!... Who was that clown guy?

SAIKI
(deadpan, always deadpan)
You've seen Kaidou before.

NENDOU
(laughing obnoxiously)
Hey, that's a good one, buddy!

AIURA
(ignoring Nendou)
I mean the guy with pink hair... powerful aura... clown makeup... 

NENDOU
Whatta ya mean? My buddy is right here!.... Well except for the clown makeup thing.

AIURA
(turning to Nendou)
Oh- Em - Gee, you lunk! A different guy with pink hair. There was a chick with pink hair, too. She was totes cute, and her aura was crazy big too!

SAIKI
I didn't see anyone like that.
[Of course, I know what you're talking about, but that little inter-dimensional incursion shouldn't be shared with anyone else, least of all Nendou].

AIURA
Oh! OK!... well... um... maybe it was my imagination. (pinching Saiki's cheek) You're such a cutie, you literally make me see pink-haired people everywhere!
[Let's talk about it later, Kusuo... maybe on a date?...]

NENDOU
Wow, Aiura. You really seem to like my buddy. (slapping Saiki on the back) That look in your eyes reminds me of when my mom saw Chono for the first time.

SAIKI
I'm feeling nauseous.

NENDOU
Oh hey! The ramen shop.... Nauseous?... I guess that means you won't be wanting any ramen? Your loss, buddy! I'll see you later! I'll be here for the next few hours. You won't believe the size of my dump when I'm finished with all that --

AIURA
Cool story, bro! Save it for Kaidou later! I'm sure he'll love it! (grabbing Saiki and pushing him away from the ramen shop)... Finally!... So Kusuo, how about that date?

SAIKI
I'm even more nauseous now.

AIURA
Oh stop! You're fine. I'm a psychic, remember? You can't fake me out.

SAIKI
(almost whispering)
Little do you know -- I've faked you out plenty of times.

AIURA
What was that?...

SAIKI
Nothing.

AIURA
Whatevs.... So how about that date, Kusuo?... You know we're, like, perfect for each other, don't you? We're the only two super-powered people at PK academy.

SAIKI
You're forgetting Toritsuka.

AIURA
Oh, he doesn't count! "Ohhhh, I talk to ghosts!" Big deal!

SAIKA
And Teruhashi?

AIURA
She doesn't count either! Being perfect isn't a super power.

SAIKI
Teruhashi's adoring fans would beg to differ.

AIURA
(grabbing Saiki's arm as they walk)
Stop being so stiff, will you?!... You walk like a psychopath.

SAIKI
Psychic. Psycho. Same thing.

AIURA
(laughing and pulling Saiki closer)
Was that another joke? Wow, two in one day? Oh, Kusuo you're so funny!.... Oh stop pulling away, will you?

SAIKI
Fine, Aiura. I'll go on a date with you.

AIURA
(stopping in her tracks)
Whaaaaa?!... I mean, that's totally, like.... I didn't expect....