Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Saiki K x Reader?... (or something else entirely)?...

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. By the way, don't pay any attention to that title. This is not a Saiki x Reader story. You won't be finding "Your Name" or "Y/N" anywhere in it. That's really just a bait-and-switch routine. As a psychic, I know what people like and dislike. For some reason, readers love these Saiki x Reader stories. They're everywhere, well, except here of course. I hope you're not upset thought. It's all an illusion, some would say a "Grand Illusion." I learned that at a young age. Nothing is ever as it seems. There's always some catch... Tricks. Games. Outright lies... It reminds me of Chouno, and Nendou, and basically anybody else in my life. It especially reminds me of that April Fools' Day when Kaidou wouldn't stop lying to everyone. Of course, come to think of it, that's every day for Kaidou. He lives in a never-ending fantasy land. Meanwhile, there's Toritsuka, who lives in a different type of fantasy land, drooling over X-rated magazines every day. Thankfully he's not here right now -- oh no...

TORITSUKA
(running toward SAIKI with his hand raised)
Saiki-san!... Master!... Hey, wait up!

SAIKI
[Right on cue, Toritsuka. Just when I get a moment of peace, you come running toward me].

TORITSUKA
(speaking hurriedly and out of breath)
Saiki-san!... I'm lucky to be alive!... Did you hear what just happened?!...

SAIKI
[No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me].

TORITSUKA
(still breathing heavily)
It's Kuboyasu!... He's going on a rampage!... We don't know why!... He's just yelling and punching and throwing people like ragdolls!

SAIKI
[He's a reformed punk from a biker gang. If he goes on a rampage every now and then, we should consider ourselves lucky].

TORITSUKA
(panicking)
He doesn't recognize friend from foe!... He just knocked out Nendou with a single punch and then stood over his body laughing!... It was maniacal. You'd barely recognize him.

SAIKI
[I still don't see what this has to do with me].

TORITSUKA
(shocked)
What?!... How can you?... I mean... C'mon, Saiki! You're the most powerful psychic on the planet! You can stop this mayhem with the snap of your fingers!

SAIKI
[You're right. I should give this careful consideration.... Not interested].

TORITSUKA
(aggressively grabbing SAIKI on the shoulder)
Hey, don't walk away! This is serious!

SAIKI
[Big mistake].

TORITSUKA
(quickly floating in the air, higher and higher, practically screaming)
Maaaaaasterrrrr!!!

SAIKI
[Your first mistake was touching me. Your second mistake was lecturing me].

TORITSUKA
(hovering about a hundred feet above SAIKI, yelling down)
I'm sorry, Master! Forgive me, Master! I won't do it again! Just please let me down!

SAIKI
[Fine].

TORITSUKA
(floating down slowly, putting his feet on the ground)
Thank you, Master! In case you didn't know, I'm afraid of heights!

SAIKI
[It sounds like you're even more afraid of Kuboyasu].

TORITSUKA
(pleading with SAIKI)
Master, please do something! I don't want anyone to get hurt.

SAIKI
[Is Mikoto OK?...]

TORITSUKA
(confused at first)
Who?... Oh, you mean Aiura! Yes, she's fine. All the girls are fine. Kuboyasu would never hurt them. It's the guys. We don't stand a chance!

SAIKI
[It sounds like you need a hero].

TORITSUKA
(excited)
Yes, Master! Yes, Saiki-san! A hero! Just like --