Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Saiki K vs. Shadowblade vs. Light Yagami

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. Usually my adventures are limited to the hijinks of my so-called friends at PK Academy. This time, it's a bit different. There's been another interdimensional incursion, and no it's not Hisoka again. I hope he's gone for good. No, this time, it's a fellow high-schooler, a guy named Kurosawa who calls himself "Shadowblade." Apparently, there's another guy here, too. He has no special powers whatsoever, but he's in the possession of a supposedly magical book called the Death Note. My gut reaction is probably the same as yours. I'm underwhelmed and unimpressed. In fact, they sound like adversaries for Kaidou and his "Jet-Black Wings" nonsense. As for me, I couldn't care less about two second-rate wannabe villains trying to make names for themselves, whether they're part of Dark Reunion, teaming up with Baron Cola, or anything similar. Let's see how this goes... 

KUROSAWA
(leaning against a locker, dressed in all black, looking very cool, surrounded by students)
My name is Tetsuo Kurosawa, and I was born with a quirk. That's a special power for those who haven't heard of quirks. I call it "eclipse." It gives me the ability to exist outside the space-time continuum, basically in a pocket universe.

SAIKI
[Pocket universe? This is sounds awfully familiar. Kusuke, is that you?... No?... OK. Fine].

KAIDOU
(also leaning against a locker, wearing his uniform, trying to be cool, surrounded by no one)
Glad to meet you, Kurosawa. You know, those of us with arcane abilities need to stick together, especially with dastardly villains like DARK REUNION lurking around every corner! Of course, it's rare for me to unleash my awesome powers at school....

SAIKI
[Kaidou, give it a rest. He's not even paying attention to you. In fact, nobody is].

YAGAMI
(also leaning against a locker, wearing a different uniform, acting indifferent to whether he's cool, surrounded by a smaller crowd)
My name is Light Yagami. Back home they call me Kira. I used to hide it, but I don't hold back anymore. See, I'm actually the God of Death. In fact, I have a shinigami hovering over my shoulder. His name is Ryuk, but you can't see him. Only I can.

SAIKI
[I wonder if he realizes that Nendou's dad is hovering over his other shoulder...]

KAIDOU
(pushing himself away from the locker and standing like he's ready for action)
God of Death? That sounds like dark magic, Yagami.... Saiki, are you sensing a dark power?... Yagami might actually be a member of Dark Reunion!

SAIKI
[I already told you to give it a rest. Nobody's paying attention to you].

KUROSAWA
(suddenly seeing YAGAMI, making eye contact with him)
What's this?... A member of the League of Villains?... Right here at PK Academy?... You're in luck, friends. I've been training for years. If you need a hero to step up and defeat this bane of humanity, I'm your man.

SAIKI
[We're two minutes into the story, and these guys are already mortal enemies?...]

KAIDOU
(running toward KUROSAWA, who still isn't paying attention to him)
That's right, Kurosawa!... Only a villain would call himself the God of Death!... Am I right?... I mean, that make sense doesn't it?... Right?...

SAIKI
[Just stop talking, Kaidou. Let the big kids handle this].

YAGAMI
(eyeing up KUROSAWA and laughing)
Pathetic. Standing around your adoring fans, talking about quirks, bragging about defeating villains. That's a childhood fantasy. This is real life, you fool, not SHONEN JUMP!

SAIKI
[Well the way things are going here, it feels more like SHONEN JUMP than SAIKI K...]

KUROSAWA
(standing there calmly)
You're a typical villain. All talk and no action! (suddenly disappearing into a dark portal and then reappearing a second later just a few steps from YAGAMI)... Shadow.... BLADE! (spinning and roundhousing YAGAMI in the head, causing him to fall to the floor)... Now let's see how much you have to say!

SAIKI
[These interdimensional incursions are really starting to get on my nerves. At this point, I'd take another visit from Hisoka over these two clowns].

KAIDOU
(mimicking KUROSAWA'S movements, then calling to KUROSAWA)
Harken to me, Kurosawa! Just sayeth the word, and I shall enter the fray! I'll gladly banish this foul evildoer to the depths of the abyss!

SAIKI
[This suddenly became an awful blend of Shakespeare and Dungeons & Dragons].

YAGAMI
(struggling to get up off the floor, almost mumbling to himself)
How dare you.... strike.... the God... of... Death... (grabbing a pen and a small scrap of paper)... You'll pay for this... with your life... I'll make you suffer... 

SAIKI
[I'm the one suffering here. Maybe I should intervene and put an end to this nonsense].

KUROSAWA
(looking down at YAGAMI)
What's that little paper?... A post-it note?... That's your plan?... I don't even know what --

SAIKI
[Here it comes...]

KAIDOU
(staring at KUROSAWA in shock)
What's happening?.... He's.... He's clutching his chest.... He's... collapsing!... Somebody help him!

SAIKI
[Yagami gets right to the point here. That's one way to end the fight...]

YAGAMI
(rising to his feet, laughing diabolically)
You dared to challenge the God of Death!.... and I punished you!.... Don't ever underestimate my power. In fact, I'm even more than the God of Death.... I.... AM.... GOD. (raising his arms in triumph)

SAIKI
[I'd give anything for him to shut up.... Oh, look. A pen and paper laying on the floor. I suppose they'll come in handy...]

KAIDOU
(yelling, very fearful)
So that's it?!... the villain wins?!... No!... It can't be!... I would've intervened, but... I didn't want to harm anyone with my amazing power.... I'd never unleash Black Beat in a group of bystanders!

YAGAMI
(still laughing diabolically)
Such fools!.... Such pathetic fools!... I'll destroy all of you... (then searching all around, patting down his pockets frantically)... Hey, where's my pen?... and my paper?... Where did they go?!... Who took them?! I'll find you! I'll kill you! I'll --

SAIKI
[I've heard enough of this].

KAIDOU
(staring at YAGAMI in shock as SAIKI scribbles on a piece of paper in the backcrowd)
You villain!... I'll never let you win!... Wait, what?... Is everybody seeing this?... He's clutching his chest, too?... He's collapsing... He's....  What just happened?!...

SAIKI
[Like you always say, this look like the work of Dark Reunion].

KAIDOU
(running off, pushing through the crowd)
Dark Reunion?!... We have to call the police!... We have to... We can't just.... I'll come back with help!... Call the police! Call the ambulance!

SAIKI
[Finally, some peace and quiet. I'm going home].

By the way, neither of them are actually dead. I easily manipulated the power of the Death Note to change it's properties. Writing their names on the paper wouldn't kill them. That's too final. I'm not like that. At worst, I'm indifferent, not murderous. So, instead of death, the Death Note gave them a sudden bout of intense heartburn and then knocked them out. When the EMTs arrive, these two jokers will be perfectly fine. Of course, if they're smart, they'll eventually realize they don't want to be here. No matter what, let this be a lesson to anyone who wants to invade my universe. Just remember, I have a post-it note, and I'm not afraid to use it!

Time for some coffee jelly. Good night, everyone.