Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Happy Birthday, Kusuo!

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and today is my birthday. For most teenagers, birthdays are a special blend of awkwardness and delight. I don't look forward to random family members pinching my cheeks and saying, "My, how you've grown," but on the other hand, I do enjoy receiving birthday gifts. Especially coffee jelly and cash. This year, I'm hoping that my friends don't bring me a deflated birthday cake shaped like my head. That was embarrassing. In fact, I'd really like to be left alone, but I'm sure everyone is going to intrude like always....

AIURA
[Kusuoooooo! A little birdie told me it's your birthday! I am literally screaming inside because I've been waiting to get you a special gift].

SAIKI
[Thanks, Aiura, but I'd rather have a nice quiet day to myself].

AIURA
[Oh Em Geeeeee! That is so totally boring, Kusuo. I'm coming over anyway. Be there soon. Byeees]!

SAIKI
[What a pain].

TORITSUKA
[Hey, Saiki!... I mean, Master!... Guess who]!

SAIKI
[Toritsuka? It can't be. You don't have telepathic abilities].

TORITSUKA
[Right you are, Master!... BUT... I allowed the spirit of an ancient psychic fortune-teller to enter my body, and voila! Telepathic powers! This is so cool]!

SAIKI
[It's bad enough having Aiura barge into my mind like this. Now you too]?

TORITSUKA
[I made a deal, Master! It was such a great deal, Master! It was--]

SAIKI
[Stop calling me Master].

TORITSUKA
[Oh, sorry!... Well, Mast -- I mean -- Saiki... I made a deal. There was this cute chick at the ramen shop, and I wanted to know if she was wearing pink panties, so the spirit said he would--]

SAIKI
[I've heard enough].

TORITSUKA
[So now I have these special powers! They'll wear off in twenty-four hours, though].

SAIKI
[Twenty-four hours]?!

TORITSUKA
[I know, right? I was hoping they'd last longer! So tell me, Master -- I mean... tell me, Saiki, is this how you spend your time? Just roaming around other people's minds]?

SAIKI
[I spend my time wanting to be left alone].

TORITSUKA
[It's hard to tell whether you're joking or being serious!... With these, powers, I could get any girl I want! You know, I've already done one of these psychic phone calls with Aiura, too, and -- get this -- I think she really likes me now]!

SAIKI
[I'm sure you'll both be very happy together].

TORITSUKA
[Wow! Do you really mean it? I mean, she's so cute... and so HOT... and I can't believe--]

SAIKI
[No].

TORITSUKA
[No?... No what]?

SAIKI
[No, I didn't really mean it. Aiura thinks you're a moron and a pervert].

TORITSUKA
[Of course! I already knew that, but with these new powers, she can't resist--]

SAIKI
[Get out of my head before I turn on a twenty-four hour thought-blocker and spoil your fun].

TORITSUKA
[Yes, Master. Of course, Master. I wouldn't even think of.... Yes, I'll go bother someone else... Just let me keep this power for as long as--]

SAIKI
[Stop your sniveling. Just leave. And stop calling me Mast--]

TORITSUKA
[Yes, Master -- I mean -- Saiki. I'll see you soon. I'm headed to your house for the birthday bash in about fifteen minutes]!