Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Saiki K Goes to a Flashy Wedding

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. These titles are really starting to sound like episodes of "Monk," but I'll allow it for now. So it's the weekend, and whenever I think I'm finally going to have some peace and quiet, something always blows that idea to smithereens. One of Mikoto's cousins, a wannabe-celebrity on some ill-conceived reality TV show, is getting married to some guy who's twenty-ninth in line for the throne of England. He's Japanese, but his great-great-grandmother was the second cousin of Queen Victoria, or something like that. I can't remember all the details, and I really don't care. I just wish I had my weekend to myself. It's one thing for me to spend time with my girlfriend; it's another thing to waste an entire day at a flashy wedding for people I don't even know....

AIURA
(speaking with excitement)
Oh Em Gee!... This is totally my favorite song, well maybe my second favorite, well probably my third, but whatevs! I love it!

SAIKI
[You love it?... This doesn't even sound like music].

AIURA
(grabbing SAIKI, attempting to pull him onto the dance floor, but SAIKI won't budge)
C'mon Kusuo, it'll be fun!... Stop dragging your feet!

KAIDOU
(leaning into AIURA and SAIKI's conversation)
I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. This piece of music is clearly avant-garde. The screaming and guttural noises represent the inner struggle of humanity, a desperate cry for help... As you know, DARK REUNION is always lurking in the shadows, but all too often, no one is coming to help... well, no one except for... THE JET BLACK WINGS!

SAIKI
[Good grief. Why did we invite Kaidou again?...]

AIURA
(communicating telepathically with SAIKI)
[You know why, you silly goose! We didn't want Chiyopipi to be lonely!...Now be nice!...]

SAIKI
[Silly goose? What, are we five years old?...]

YUMEHARA
(entering the scene, excitedly listening to his every word KAIDOU is saying)
Oh, Kaidou! You're so smart. Tell me more!

KAIDOU
(bowing, kissing YUMEHARA'S hand, and offering his arm)
Shall we dance, fair maiden?.... I'll regale you with my knowledge of music, art, literature...

SAIKI
[This romantic version of Kaidou is just as tiresome as his JET BLACK WINGS mode...]

AIURA
(telepathically to SAIKI)
[Kusuo!... I said... Be nice!...]

YUMEHARA
(nearly swooning, eyes glittering)
Oh my! So romantic, Kaidou! Of course, yes!... Lead the way, my knight in shining armor.
(they walk onto the dance floor, with KAIDOU strutting triumphantly)

SAIKI
[I think I'm going to be sick. If it's not this terrible so-called music, it's the embarrassing display by Kaidou and Yumehara].

AIURA
(speaking out loud and slapping SAIKI on the arm)
Oh stop!... It's sweet... Aren't they a cute couple?...

SAIKI
[If by "cute" you mean "desperate and pathetic," then yes, I agree].

AIURA
(slapping SAIKI again)
Stop, Kusuo!... Be... Nice!... It's taken so long for them to finally get together!

SAIKI
[Well, after that sworn friend business, and all of the other misunderstandings, I'm surprised they're even together at all...]

AIURA
(grabbing SAIKI's arm)
We ended up together, Kusuo, so anything is possible! (kissing SAIKI on the cheek as he stands there stiffly)

SAIKI
[Yes, I suppose].

AIURA
(cuddling up to SAIKI)
Actually, I think you and I soulmates. I've been analyzing auras for a looooong time, and believe me, I am 100% certain that we are destined to be together, Kusuo!