Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Saiki K Presents: Nendou Rises Again? (Maybe)?... Part 2 of 4

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. Of course, my powers were useless against Nendou's stupidity as always. He ended up finding a briefcase full of gold coins, and it was clearly a trap set by Metori Saiko, the local rich kid and all-around pompous ass. So now Nendou's in jail after a fight with Saiko's thugs. All the while, Kaidou and Toritsuka are being praised as heroes for a fight with Dark Reunion that never happened. In fact, Toritsuka wasn't even there. He's just exploiting Kaidou's desperate need to be liked. I wouldn't be surprised if Kaidou started  speaking in the Okinawan dialect again....

KAIDOU
This ramen is MA SAN!.. IPPEI MA SAN!... (eating the ramen with vigor)

SAIKI
[Good grief. Do I always have to be right]?

TORITSUKA
Yeah!... Hippy Masons!... What he said!... (eating the ramen sloppier than even NENDOU) 

KAIDOU
Saiki, I'm not sure if you remember it like I do, but -- wow -- when that energy rushed out of my arm like a purple lightning bolt, I knew it -- I just knew it -- I was finally becoming the hero I was destined to be!

SAIKI
[You were given power and then exploited it for your own benefit. What a hero].

TORITSUKA
(still shoveling ramen into his mouth)
But he couldn't have done it without me, Saiki!... That's the beauty of it!... What a team!... While he was fighting those goons, I was --

KAIDOU
(somewhat annoyed)
You can drop the act, Toritsuka!... Saiki was there! He knows our story is.... well... maybe a little bit embellished...  and you weren't really there... so all the PURPLE SPIRIT stuff, it's cool and all, but maybe you shouldn't keep spreading it around....

SAIKI
[I'm suddenly remembering a proverb about glass houses....]

TORITSUKA
Fine, fine!.... I'll stop spreading the story around -- for me AND for you!... But here's the real question: When do I get some girls outta this?... Today we had a big crowd, they followed us everywhere, and I didn't get as much as a kiss on the cheek!... and then about a dozen cute chicks got knocked down like dominoes by that clumsy green-haired girl!... What gives?...

KAIDOU
(putting his ribbon-wrapped hand over his face, with one eye peeking out)
You're right about that, my friend. I could sense dark powers at work when that happened.

SAIKI
[No, just a girl with a slob for a guardian spirit, but nice try, Kaidou... and Toritsuka should already know better than to get that close to Suzumiya].

TORITSUKA
(still eating his ramen)
Well, anyhow... I guess it's quality over quantity, right?.... (smiling in a devilish way).... I heard Aiura and Rifuta were fighting over me... Two smart chicks, if you ask me. Can't blame them, being drawn to such incredible power like mine, right Saiki-San?.... Master?...

KAIDOU
(squinting)
Master?... Wait. What power?... That PURPLE SPIRIT stuff was fake -- nothing like my powers as THE JET BLACK WINGS, otherwise known as THE JUDGMENT KNIGHT OF THUNDER... no definitely not even close to my level of power...

SAIKI
[Good grief.... Kaidou is a legend in his own mind. Meanwhile, Toritsuka actually has powers, and he uses them to act like a pervert].

TORITSUKA
(speaking with great pride)
Well, actually, Kaidou... like I've been saying for years... I have more power than you can possibly imagine -- but I only use it to get girls.

SAIKI
[Don't sound so proud of that].

TORITSUKA
(continuing his monologue)
So yeah, Aiura and Rifuta were clawing at each other like two angry cheetahs. It must've been pretty hot!... I wonder if their clothes got ripped off!.... (staring and almost drooling)