Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Judgment Knights of Thunder (AGAIN)?...

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. I already know what you're thinking. "Do we really need another Kaidou story?" The answer is: No, we definitely don't. Interestingly enough, that title isn't actually about Kaidou, at least not directly. You see, even though Kaidou is powerless and lives in the land of make-believe, he has a certain endearing quality. Just don't ever tell him I said that. Being psychic, I know that fans of my show are clamoring for more of Kaidou's theme song, "Judgment Knights of Thunder." Everyone is calling it "metal," and honestly, that's getting annoying -- but I figured -- why not? -- just for once, give the people what they want. I'm not exactly sure how that'll happen yet, but I'll think of something eventually. Of course, knowing my luck, this plan is going to backfire somehow...

AIURA
(running toward Saiki on the pathway leading away from PK Academy)
Oh Em Gee!... Kusuo, I love, love, LOOOOOVE music!... Don't you?...

SAIKI
[This topic just came out of nowhere, and so did you].

AIURA
(verging on obnoxiousness)
No way, Kusuo! I'm always thinking about music! It's totes connected to people's auras!

SAIKI
[I still don't see why this matters to me].

AIURA
(growing louder)
Of course this matters to you! We're all joining the marching band here at PK Academy, well all of us except for you! It's not too late, though! Everybody wants you to join!

SAIKI
[Are you really going to yell everything you say to me]?

AIURA
(still very loud)
I'm not yelling! I'm just excited!... THIS IS YELLING!!!....

SAIKI
[Good grief, Aiura].

AIURA
(speaking at a normal volume, still excited)
Oh don't you "good grief" me!... Everybody wants you to join!

SAIKI
[Who's this "everybody" you keep mentioning]?

AIURA
Like, EVERYBODY!.... Kaidou, Nendou, all your guy friends... Teruhashi, all the girls... oh, and ME]!

SAIKI
[And you. Always "and you." I don't see why I'm getting dragged into this].

AIURA
(slapping Saiki on the arm)
Oh stop being so laaaaaaame! We're your friends, Kusuo! And like it or not, we're all joining the marching band!... (marches around pretending to play the trombone)... Practice starts tomorrow!

SAIKI
[I'll be somewhere else].

AIURA
(skeptically)
Oh yeah?... Where?...

SAIKI
[Anywhere].

AIURA
(squinting at Saiki)
Are you sure?... I heard you were free tomorrow...

SAIKI
[I've never been more certain].

AIURA
(standing with her hands on her waist)
We'll see about that, Kusuo!... I'll get a "yes" out of you it it kills me!... (pausing for a moment)... Well... If you're going to be stubborn, it's time to set my plan into motion... Gotta go now!... Smoochies!... Byeeeee!
(starts walking away)

SAIKI
[Wait. What are you up to]?

AIURA
(batting her eyelashes and grabbing Saiki's arm)
Oh, you want me to stay? Of course I will! I love our alone time!

SAIKI
[What are you up to, Aiura]?

AIURA
(cuddling up to Saiki)
Kusuo.... you're such a cutie -- and a hottie -- as always!... Just agree to join the band, and I won't have to do anything drastic, OK?... 

SAIKI
[You're forgetting I'm a psychic].

AIURA
(still cuddling up to Saiki)
Not forgetting at all!... I want you to read my thoughts! Go ahead! I'm not shy!

SAIKI
(without missing a beat)
[Aiura, I like you as a friend. We're not skinny-dipping together].

AIURA
(pulling away and slapping Saiki's arm again)
Oh, Kusuo, such a bad boy! Those weren't my thoughts! They were yours!

SAIKI
[In your dreams].

AIURA
(excited, eyes widening)
Absolutely right! I dream of that all the time!... Just imagine it... The two of us... all alone... 

SAIKI
[I'm going home now].

AIURA
(grabbing Saiki again, keeping him from walking)
Ummmmmm, well, no you're not -- not yet! -- well not unless you want to run into Teruhashi.

SAIKI
[Teruhashi?... At my house?... Why?...]

AIURA
(laughing and pulling away from Saiki again)
Kusuo, never underestimate the power of an intelligent woman like me!

SAIKI
(eyes moving, processing everything....)
[This can't be happening].

AIURA
Oh, but it is!... By now, you're figuring it out... I was just the decoy. We all knew you'd never agree to join the marching band, so Teruhashi is talking with your mom right now.

SAIKI
[Maybe I can get there before --]

AIURA
(laughing again)
You're waaaaaaaay too late, Kusuo. Your mom already agreed, like, fifteen minutes ago.

SAIKI
(actually stunned)
[Is this my life?... This can't be real...]

AIURA
(speaking matter-of-factly)
Yeah, so... Teruhashi and I hatched this plan a few days ago. I offered to talk with your mom, but.... as we all know.... your mom thinks Teruhashi is totally adorbs, so we figured she'd be the best one to do it.

SAIKI
(almost whispering, almost mumbling)
[You'd have better luck with my grandmother, though].

AIURA
What?...

SAIKI
[Nothing].

AIURA
(cuddling up to Saiki again)
So let's walk together?... Arrive at your house together?... Have everyone see us together?... And then, we'll be in the marching band playing "Judgment Knights of Thunder" together?... Together, together, together! So much togetherness!

SAIKI
[Stop saying "together"].

AIURA
Well?... What'll it be?... Ready to go home and face the music?... HA! Get it?... (laughing)... Cmonnnnn, Kusuo. Walk with me!... We can stop and get coffee jelly first.... 

SAIKI
(sighing)
[What a pain].

AIURA
Is that a YES, Kusuo?... That sounds like a YES!

SAIKI
[Yes, Aiura. Let's go].

So that's it. That's the "story." I'm lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I do this often to collect my thoughts. I don't like this marching band idea one bit, but now that my mom is involved, I'm once again checkmated by social convention.... Playing an instrument. Marching. It reminds me too much of singing... and dancing.... Wait. What?... AIURA and TERUHASHI are still talking with my mom?... What now?... Oh no.... For some unknown reason, they're singing about "enduresusongu" to my mom... This is mortifying... And my mom is smiling... actually enjoying it... and getting up to dance?!... It's time for me to go down and fix this mess. Good grief... Now my dad is getting in on it?!... On second though, I better stay up here.... Maybe this is when Dark Reunion will actually kidnap me. That's just wishful thinking, of course... Anything would be better than this.... They're singing and dancing in unison down there like a second-rate K-Pop boy band, and I'm stuck up here... I'd even bite the bullet and travel to another dimension at this point.... It's time to teleport out of here.... Wait. What?... I can't?... What's happening?... Oh, no... Kusuke? Is that you? I bet it is. It's always you, but you'll never admit it... They're still singing down there, without any sign of stopping... Kusuke!... You know, that Void wasn't as bad as I originally thought. Any chance you could take me back there?.... Kusuke?... I'd go anywhere at this point... Hisoka?... Machi?... Anyone?... Anyone?... Bueller?... What a pain...