Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Judgment Knights Asunder

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. Don't worry, by the way, I'm the real Saiki this time, not just Kaidou masquerading as a godlike entity. No, Kaidou would never ever do such a thing again. He promised. He's a very honorable person and a really a great hero. That's why I look up to him. I've always admired his fearlessness, never running away from danger, always running toward it. That's the essence of being THE JET BLACK WINGS, otherwise known as THE JUDGMENT KNIGHT OF THUNDER. No danger is too great! In fact, just the other day, Yumehara tripped and was about to fall flat on her face, and Kaidou sprung into action. He was about thirty feet away, and within seconds, he had sprinted toward the distressed damsel, made a mighty leap at least ten feet in the air and hurled over Nendou, and then had jumped again, somersaulted in mid-air, and caught Yumehara when her nose was just inches from the floor. I've never seen such chivalry, such valor! I'm still in awe of it....

[Kaidou, what are you doing]?
(sitting across from Kaidou at the cafe)

Oh!.. Hey, Saiki!... I forgot you were there for a second!... I was just... I was um.... I was...

[You were narrating again].

Well... um... Yes, but I was just imagining what it would be like if...

[My powers are infinite, but my patience isn't].

I'm so sorry, Saiki! I was just.... I couldn't resist... It was.... (jumping out of his seat and then falling to his knees)

[This time, you can stay on your knees].

Yes, Saiki! Of course, Saiki! I can't apologize enough! (bowing down repeatedly)

[Your apologies are meaningless].

How can I make it up to you?... More coffee jelly?... (looking up hopefully)

[Yes, but that won't be enough].

Anything! I'll do anything! Just don't turn me into a hamster or snake or something weird like that. I know you could if you wanted to, and you've been very kind not to turn me into --

[Enough groveling. Get up off the floor and get some coffee jelly for us].

Yes, Saiki! Of course, Saiki!... (leaving the table and bringing back come coffee jelly)... What can I do to fix this?...

[Again].

What?

[Fix this again. You've done it before, remember]?

Well, yes... of course you're right!... What can I do to fix this again?

[For starters, stop pretending to be me].

Done!

[You better keep your word this time...]

I surely will!

[... or else I'm going to wrap a psionic chain around your vocal cords. The next time you pretend to be me, the chain will tighten, and you'll --]

It'll rip out my vocal cords?! (grabbing his throat and looking terrified)

[Nothing too violent. It's not that kind of anime].

Oh, wow! My imagination went in a totally different direction! I was thinking it would be like Kurapika, the dreaded CHAIN USER from HUNTER x HUNTER... She was rough and tough!... But of course she's obviously no match for THE JET BLACK WINGS.... but wow... one tough chick. (winking and giving Saiki a thumbs up)

[Kurapika is a guy].

Oh!... um.... Really?... Are you sure?

[I'm sure].