Stories in the Saiki K Universe

True Heroism: The Story of Aren Kuboyasu

My name is Kusuo Saiki, and I was born with psychic powers. As you can see from the title, this chapter isn't about me. It's about the true hero of THE DISASTROUS LIFE OF SAIKI K. Yes, I know. All of the fans desperately want me to be the hero of the show, but I really don't want to be. For the most part, it goes against my character. I'm typically indifferent and sometimes downright mean. Of course, in the end, I don't let my friends get hurt, so I suppose you could call that heroic. If anything, I'm a reluctant hero. On the other hand, Kuboyasu -- the reformed rebel -- is more than happy to step in and be the hero whenever he gets the chance. Whether it's Saiko's bodyguards or random back-alley thugs, Kuboyasu arrives on the scene like Superman and saves the day -- well, maybe he's more like Batman, or better yet, Wolverine -- but you get the point. So here's a story of true heroism, the story of Aren Kuboyasu.

KAIDOU
(very animated, in his usual storytelling voice)
So then I broke the door down, pointed at the Ancient Grand Master of the Dark Reunion, and said, "Not another move, evil doer!" -- and then I --

NENDOU
(laughing)
That didn't happen, Mr. Shrimp!... In your dreams!

KAIDOU
(yelling and offended)
Oh yes it did happen! Saiki knows! He was there! He just happens to not be here right now to back me up, but he would tell you. He saw the whole thing!

Kaidou's right. I did see the whole thing -- but that's not how it happened. In fact, Kaidou and Toritsuka both ran screaming while Aiura and I confronted the angry old man, who was not under any circumstances connected with Dark Reunion. He was just a poor homeless guy rambling about the end of the world, and his shouting was scaring anyone who walked by the abandoned building...By the way, just so you know, I'll be adding my commentary from time to time. Narrator's prerogative. Of course, they can't hear me. Only you can. OK, let's get back to the story...

NENDOU
(still laughing)
No way!... I'll believe it when I see it....

KAIDOU
(yelling and baffled)
What?... How could you see it?... It already happened!

NENDOU
(mysteriously, looking askance)
I have my ways...

KAIDOU
(yelling even louder)
Whaaaaat?!... So you don't believe my story, but you're telling me you can somehow see what happened a week ago?... You don't have special powers! Not like me (clutching his arm, covered in red bandages)... No, you couldn't possibly fathom the immense power I have at my fingert --

NENDOU
(getting serious, getting louder)
Oh yeah, Little Man?.... Well, I was psychic once for a few hours, and I was able to watch Teruhashi getting dressed!... and then I was at the nexus of the universe!... So don't tell me I don't have special powers!

KUBOYASU
(standing between Kaidou and Nendou, putting hands on their shoulders)
All right, all right. Both of you just settle down.

KAIDOU
(still yelling)
I am settled!

NENDOU
(laughing)
Tell Tiny Tim over here, not me!

KUBOYASU
(still calm)
Let's just drop it, OK fellas?... If we want this clubhouse to be better than the original, we need to get focused.

Yes, you guessed it. The three of them are working on that clubhouse that collapsed, which they already rebuilt once -- and then it collapsed again. They don't know a lost cause when they see one. I'm just thankful I'm not there.

KAIDOU
(smiling at Kuboyasu and picking up a hammer)
Right!... Let's get the job done, and then we can roast marshmallows and share all sorts of stories!

NENDOU
(also picking up a hammer)
Yeah, I'm getting hungry! Let's get this job done!

But then, all of a sudden, while the three of them are standing underneath the elevated clubhouse, they hear a creaking sound, then a snapping sound, and then, the branch holding the clubhouse snaps in half -- and gravity takes hold of it. Of course, I can see it all happening, and I choose not to intervene. Firstly, I can see the future, and -- spoiler alert -- it all turns out fine. Secondly, there's really no need, not when they have a true hero among them. And no, I'm not talking about Kaidou  or THE JET BLACK WINGS or any other daydream fantasy. And if you think I'm talking about Nendou, you either haven't been paying attention to any of my stories, or you're more of a moron than he is.